Divorce isn’t an easy thing to go through. It’s hard on you, your ex spouse, and especially your child or children. As much as you’d like to just leave this experience behind you, that’s not going to happen because you have a child or children with your ex. I’ll do my best to give you some tips on how in spite of you being one of the divorced dads, you can manage this challenge quite well.
Spend As Much Time With Your Kid(s) As You Are Able
This will do you and your children a lot of good. If they’re little, take them to the playground, take them sleigh riding, take them to the park or out for ice cream. If they’re teenagers and not into spending time with their parents, just give them a call and make a date to meet them for lunch sometime at a place of their choice.
Don’t Inquire To Your Child About What Mom Is Up To
A lot of divorced dads do this and it’s not healthy at all. I know you’re just dying to know if she’s seeing someone else and such but keep the kids out of it. Doing this puts the kids in a very uncomfortable position. They’ll want to please you and tell you things but at the same time, they won’t want to rat on mom.
Do Your Very Best To Have a Civil Relationship With Your Ex
I know it may not be easy but do your best. It’s best to early on, have a sit down talk with your ex on being civil to one another for the sake of the children. If one thing positive came from your divorce, it’s that the children don’t hear mom and dad fighting in the house anymore. Don’t put them through more of it now that you’re gone from the home. If a conflict comes into play, you and your ex need to meet at a location different from the home and property that your children are present. I understand that you and your ex may have a lot of anger toward one another but fighting in the presence of the children is damaging to the children and yours and your exes relationship with them.
Don’t Talk Bad About Your Ex Around Your Children
Your ex is your child’s mother. I want you to think about your relationship with your mom when you were a child. You likely thought the world of your mom. Your child is no different. Talking bad about their mom (your ex) will hurt and anger your child. You may have a lot of anger toward your ex and it may be very justified but refrain from the trash talk about your ex around your children. No good can come from that.
If you’re one of the divorced dads in your town or city, do your best to shine above all the other divorced dads in the neighborhood. This will do you, your ex, and especially your children a world of good. Good luck to you.
Are you going to be a new dad soon? The birth of a baby is pretty exciting, but can also be daunting. Even the most involved father and the most loving husband probably wonders how to support his partner while she has contractions and pushes that baby out, especially if it’s your first child. Here are some tips on being a great labor coach for your partner, from a woman who’s given birth twice.
Talking to your partner about her wishes is obviously the best starting point. There are books that will tell new dads that they should be massaging their wife’s back, bringing her drinks, and whispering stuff like “you are doing great, I love you so much”, into her ear. Some women will like that, and see this picture as very romantic. Others would want to punch you, and because normal social boundaries may fade a bit during labor, they may actually do it. Of course, you know your wife better than silly books. Talk to her about her expectations during pregnancy and keep talking while she’s in labor.
There’s this perception, perpetuated by television shows and movies that show birth scenes, that laboring women temporarily lose their mind and can’t make rational decisions. That’s rubbish, of course. Laboring women need to be be treated just like everyone else; with respect. Unfortunately, even the staff at your maternity ward may give into the temptation to treat your partner less seriously than they should. New dads, therefore, have a very important role as an advocate for their wife and baby. Why not ask your wife to make a birth plan together during pregnancy, so you can discuss medical viewpoints and agree on them? Newborn issues like circumcision, supplementation with formula, or heel pricks, are all good discussions points.
Some women end up feeling like they’re labor support for their partner, rather than the other way round. Taking time to learn about the physiology of labor and birth will be really helpful. Guys who know what is going on won’t panic, and may be fascinated by the complex and yet so simple process unfolding before their eyes. If you know how to recognize the signs of transition, you’ll be able to cheer your partner on (if she wants that), and be a real support to her.
Finally, don’t forget about yourself, and your own needs. My kids are five and three years old now, and my husband — who is a wonderful stay at home dad — only recently admitted that he felt lost for a while. He had to watch his wife, one who’s a bit aggressive at times and doesn’t like to be hugged or touched during labor, give birth all by herself. Then, during that round-the-clock breastfeeding stage of infancy, there wasn’t much for him to do, baby-wise. I’m sure lots of men feel the same way. If you do, don’t deny yourself the right to talk about it if you want to. As a dad, your feelings certainly count, too!
Olivia is a mom of two, and a wife of a stay at home dad. Her blog, Trying To Conceive, is dedicated to fertility, how to get pregnant, and parenting.
There’s so much talk of violence in TV shows and movies, one might think that it is the biggest root cause of violence in the real world. Many new dads would have you believe that anything bad that happens, is the direct result of rap music or gangster movies. But how much truth is there in this? Does what we watch on TV really affect our behaviour. Or, more importantly, does what our kids watch on TV affect their behaviour and play a part in shaping them into the people they will grow up to be?
A study carried out in the United States in 2002 by Jeffrey Johnson of the New York State Psychiatric Institute, suggested that this was indeed the case. Johnson concluded from his extensive research that children who indulged in more than an hour of television viewing per day, were more likely to become violent than children who watched less television.
The research found that 5.7% of 14 year old children who watched less than an hour of television a day, committed acts of violence between the age of 16 and 22. In comparison, 22.8% of 14 year olds who watched between one and three hours of TV per day turned to violence between the age of 16 and 22.
However, as Guy Cumberbatch of the Communications Research Group pointed out, this research was completely flawed. So few children actually watch less than an hour of TV each day, meaning that it wasn’t fair to use them as a comparison.
What effect TV has directly on your kids is incredibly hard to quantify. There are so many other factors to consider, before we as new dads can decide whether it is in fact what a child watches on television, that makes them behave a certain way in later life. A lot of new dads are firm believers that we should regulate the television that we allow our children to watch, yet we should recognise the boundaries without completely sheltering them.
If a child watches something violent on television, it is up to the at home dads to make sure that they understand that what they are watching isn’t necessarily the right way to behave in real life. But of course, they shouldn’t be allowed to watch anything and everything. There are plenty of TV shows and movies out there that would be considered bad taste for most adults, so we shouldn’t allow our kids to watch them either.
Finding that right balance is up to you, the new dad, and only you can make that judgement of what your kids should and shouldn’t be allowed to watch. But as to whether this will shape them as a person – there are surely too many other factors in a child’s life that will sculpt their personality.
This post was provided by Barry Magennis, a father who’s specialises in finding candidates for nursery assistant jobs in the UK.
As a stay at home dad you know first hand how many times a day kids are in perilous situations, just by banging around the house. A playground is meant to be a safe haven, a place where they can run free, without worries, but if not built correctly, the playground can also pose numerous hazards. There are some tips and tricks from stay at home dads, to keep in mind when building a playground that will keep it safe for your children.
Flooring
Let’s start from the bottom up. Many people scrimp here, choosing to use the flooring that’s already in place, whether it’s cement, gravel, blacktop, or some other material. Safe playground flooring material is perhaps the most important feature in ensuring playground safety, because it has the potential to cushion a routine fall, or exacerbate the injury. Gravel, hard packed earth, cement, and materials such as these will make for hard falls, and pose stumbling blocks for kids to trip over.
Grass is better than the above mentioned materials, but the best is rubber mulch playground flooring. Rubber mulch provides extra shock absorbency that cushions falls. While rubber mulch is pricier, it pays for itself within a few years because it is very long lasting, and requires no maintenance. It also requires no complicated installation.
Swing Sets
Swing sets in home playgrounds can be hazardous as manufacturers look to cut corners with less space between swings and weaker supports. For optimum playground safety, there should be no more than two swings on one rod, and you should check for their strength by tugging on the chains or ropes. There also must be adequate space around the swings for another child to walk around it while the swing is in motion. As a general rule, seesaws, swings, and equipment with moving parts should be in a separate area from the rest of the equipment. If space constraints are a problem, consider cutting down on the amount of playground equipment.
Gates
While they aren’t always pretty they’re vital to having a safe playground. Make sure that your playground is encircled with a tall gate that is too high for a child to easily climb over, and that the door has a secure, child-proof latch. Check that there aren’t any sharp sticks or parts that jut out from the gate. Keep the gate in good condition, repairing it as often as needed. For a more aesthetically pleasing option you may want to consider tall bushes as a natural fence. You can also go for wooden lattice-style fences in place of a chain-link fence, just be sure that it is strong and will serve your needs well.
Maintenance
There’s more to a playground than building it. It needs to be constantly checked and repaired. Metal that is getting rusty, wood that is splintering, or ropes that are weakening are all part of the wear and tear of a playground, and they must be repaired. Train your children to let you know if there is something that needs repair in the playground, rather than playing with it.
Building or renovating a playground is always a fun project that generates much excitement, and doing it right will allow you to better enjoy the fruits of your labors.
Bio:
Robert Mason is a parent who loves to get his kids outside to play. He believes that a safe playground with rubber mulch is the only way to keep them safe and happy.
If you’re a stay at home dad like me, you will know that this comes with great advantages but also some definite disadvantages as well. When I decided to set up my own company and quit my dull 9-5 office job, I loved the fact that I had so much more time to spend time with my son. I got to bond with him much more closely and I loved the fact that we could kick a soccer ball around the yard or take the dog for a walk at virtually any time of the day.
However, my constant presence at the home initially became somewhat of a problem for me as my son soon believed I was available all the time and would often interrupt me during important business calls and other work related tasks. This became even more problematic when I enrolled in a part time law school program, as the additional duties became severely limiting on my free time.
I had to set firm boundaries that allowed me to still spend plenty of time with my kid without it compromising my school and work productivity. This worked out well in the end because I still got to spend more quality time with my son than ever before and we were able to build a close father and son relationship that I’m sure will last forever.
Based on my own experience as a stay at home dad, here are 5 ways you can set healthy boundaries with your kids when you work from home:
Print a Schedule
Make a schedule of your weekly appointments and work hours and put it up on the fridge door or somewhere that all of your family can easily see. This way they can know when you’re available and also when you are strictly off limits.
Make Your Home Office Private
Set up your home office so that your kids can’t easily gain access to it. This might mean by having it away from the house such as converting your garden shed into an office or simply by having a lock if your office is in the house. By firmly establishing that this is your territory, your kids will likely respect that and be less likely to run amuck in your work space.
Have Another Adult Present During Work Hours
If you have some serious work to do, make sure there is another adult in the house to care for your kids. It is virtually impossible to get some serious work done when you have boisterous young kids in the house, so if my wife is busy I try to hire a babysitter during my work hours. This allows me to get on with my work without having to constantly worry what my son is up to!
Talk to Your Kids
Explain to your kids that you have to work some hours of the day and are simply unavailable during those times. Your kids will then have a clearer understanding for why they can’t have constant access to you when you’re at home and in turn will probably be more likely to comply with your rules.
Plan a Daily Hang Out Time
For me, one of the best things about working at home is that I do get lots more time to hang out with my son than I did when I had a regular office job. In order to make sure I make the most of this I always try and schedule a specific time every day when we can hang out and do fun stuff together. Sometimes we go bowling or to the driving range and other times we just relax and veg out in front of the television. Whatever we do, I am grateful that my new lifestyle allows me to spend such quality time with my kid.
As you can see, as long as you set some clear boundaries it is very easy to be a work from home dad and get the balance between family and work right. Hit the ground running with regards to setting rules and see what works and what doesn’t. Remember to make the most of the free time you get and don’t work too hard. Good luck!