As a dad, I have always heard there are parents that spank their kids and there are parents that don’t. Both sides think they are right and that the other is bad.
I am so curious what other dads think. I hope to get alot of comments on this just to see how many do and how many don’t. As a child, my parents did spank me and I do believe that it helped me learn right from wrong (and no I didn’t think that at the time I was young. LOL).
As a dad, I have spanked my kids, but only when it was last resort. I have 3 great kids and they do know right from wrong, for the most part, but as a kid it is a learning experience. I’m sure they will keep learning as time goes by.
So, please comment away and weigh in on your thoughts about spanking.
This is always a touchy subject for people. And Im not a very sensitive person when it comes to me giving my POV on things. But here is my 2¢.
I was raised in a loving, compassionate, yet totalitarian household. If I got out of line, that I did almost all of the time. Actions would be taken. Depending on the severity, the punishments would vary. But I grew up to be what parents call a bad kid. Manners, education were top-notch, but I would be the one who would unknowingly fuck peoples shit up. And apparently I didnt listen, and would need more than a “STERN” talking to. I got the belt. And A whole dam lot of it. As I got older, it grew to the switch from out side. To whatever could be hurrled at me with massive force. Hell, I remember I did something so bad once, I got a “doubled up” phone cord. Needless to say, I went through pain. From mild, to severe. Physical to mental. The spankings and hittings stopped around 16 or so when my mom would hit on me and I would smile at her, boiling inside with rage and anger. Waiting to beat her into oblivion. Just as she has been teaching me all of these years.
She got a “let me re think this” moment that day when I call her out and ran up on her as she approached me to hit me. I didnt hit her (too smart for that) instead I walked her down. Arms straight down on my sides, I nullified all of her attacks and did my bit of yelling. And that ended that.
Now, do i think its wrong? Who the fuck cares the shit happened already. I see it like this. My mom made me tough, built my tolerance for pain, and that we get a lot of while growing up. Thankfully my I.Q. allowed me to do some deep inwards reflecting and noticed a pattern that did not comply with the worlds standard. I was taught from spanking, that when something gets on your nerves, does not listen, doesnt perform as desired, disobeys “he who hits” you beat the shit out of it/them until they submit and you get your way. And that we see in society everywhere from the woman beater on TV, to the asshole next door, the school bully, to the fucking Police. The ” that of might, shall determine what is right” mentalaty runs rampant in the world.
Now with my son, he is fortunate because evolution plays forwards and he gets my understandings from a loving practical POV. When my son does something wrong, which is few and rare, there is the voice rasing (for only a few times to get his attention if I dont already have it) Then I will go up to him and get down to his level (usually sitting down then sitting him down infront of me)and will discuss the situation with him. But I mean 100% of whatever subject it maybe. For example, my son will take out a floor covering ammount of toys and then try to play on top of them aand fall and hurt himself , and start to get fussy. I daddy intervein .(sit down with him) and tell him,” Jr, what is going on here?”
IM PLAYING WITH MY TRUCK
I ask him, ” Are you playing with your drums?”
NO
“are you playing with your computer?”
NOOOOO
“are you using the art pad and colors?”
NOOO
“well what did we discuss? It was about you toys on the floor. You can really only play with one or two toys at a time due to 2 hands. And that when we are done with one, you put it back, that way you know exactly where it is when you need it again. It keeps the floor clear so you dont fall can get boo boo’s. And so you have more room to play with everything else. SO what are you going to do now son?
PICK UP MY TOYS “DADDY WILL YOU HELP ME?
And of course I help him. Im hopefully giving hit the gift of thought. When my moment of rage tried to kick in, I had to self learn to apply a “moment of thought” action in its place. And I noticed in his behavior he is very honest and actually feels bad when he has done bad. A conscious little boy . That to me is too sweet and kindhearted for me to ever even imagine hitting him.
So to me its what it is, an option. No one says you have to pick it either.
_Art
Obviously it is a parental preference thing, but just because I do not spank that much does not mean I am against it. I think it has to do with recognizing what the kid needs. Some kids it is more detrimental to spank them than not and some is the only way to get through to them.
In my case with my son I spank as a last resort because emotionally his swings can be pretty extreme. Like with many ADHD kids they have a great difficulty associating consequences with their actions. Unless discipline is swift and it is taken care of at the time of the indecent then he cannot or has a really hard time associating it. I don’t know about you but when I was growing up discipline was pretty slow. In other words I would do something wrong by myself or at least away from my parents. They would find out and then I got in trouble. Sometimes hours would pass until the schizzle hit the fan. With my son if that happens and he is only given a few words and then spanked it does no good because then he just thinks he is getting whacked because he isn’t liked or because of some great unfairness in the universe that made me the aggressor and him the little defenseless kid. If we find out about a problem later there has to be a lot of talking, just to get him to realize, associate, and be given responsibility for the action.
I had the same issues as a kid and only as an adult and learning more about what I was suffering from did I understand and forgive my dad. He used to spank and I mean the go to your room drop your drawers feel the whack of the paddle sort of spank. If a paddle was not available believe me his hand was more than enough. As a kid and later a teen I used to be scared of him and think he beat me for no reason. Looking back it was because of not associating the punishment with my misbehavior. He never really hurt me, left a mark, or struck me in anger. It was just his form of discipline. It took me a long time to figure out he was doing it for love and to raise a good person that would be happy in life. Once I knew this I could forgive him and we got along great as adults. Before that he was just a mean bastard who I loved, worshiped, feared, and hated at the same time.
Now I am a dad and I have to deal with a child like I was. I am trying to do it differently and for the most part I am successful, but sometimes it seems like I am failing more than succeeding. I have worked hard not to have my son fear me and for the most part I think I have. I know he loves me as I love him, but I also know that sometimes he thinks I am a mean bastard and hates me. Such is life of a parent.