Topic: Playing video games like an effin 14 y/o!

[outlikealight]

I am pretty lucky. I game most nights 3-4 hours. My kids are in bed at 7:30 or 8:00. My wife likes to do her thing and I game. We do watch a few shows together and do a movie or go out every once in awhile. I rarely game when the kids are awake. If I am and it seems like she needs some help I get off and help. I help around the house with something on most days.

Sometimes her friends might say something and she will say that she would rather have me at home gaming with my buddies than at the bar drinking with my buddies.

I think it helps that I have gamed my whole life and she knew that when she married me. I am lucky that she has never tried to change that. She just accepts me for who I am.

The only advice I would give is really take an honest look at what you do around the house. Do you help/interact with the kids? Do you go to your kids events? Do you help around the house? Do u spend some time with your wife that is just the two of you? If u answer yes to all these then you should have some game time for yourself and you should not feel bad about it.

[JacksDaddy]

Hey all,

My wife just recently started complaining about my gaming time because I don't "gain" anything from it.  Lately I've been staying up late utilizing my days off and occasionally clocking in some late night weekday time after my son sleeps.  I just recently got back into a warcraft 3 mod called DOTA and I've been neglecting my consoles.  My 360 is a netflix machine now and my ps3 was just unboxed recently to play God of War III for a few minutes.  One of my friends even joked to me "You know it plays games too right?" 

As far as family I'm considered the "gaming guy."  I got two of my cousins hooked on call of duty modern warfare  a while back and they have since bought their own consoles and clocked in some serious game time.  Their other halves haven't complained to me directly, but I'm sure they blame me for that too.  But hey it's not like I put a gun to their head and forced them to play right?

No but you did put a controller in their hands, that allows them to put guns to other peoples heads lol...

The best thing I could say is to find a game your wife might enjoy so that you aren't the only one playing them.  Gaming in my house isn't going to stop anytime soon and I think my wife may have finally given into that fact.   Plus we have Rock Band and even Indiana Jones games to play that she actually enjoys.  He absolutely hates the violent games, but maybe if you find a game you both can enjoy, she might back off a bit.

[itsallbs]

Hey all,

My wife just recently started complaining about my gaming time because I don't "gain" anything from it.  Lately I've been staying up late utilizing my days off and occasionally clocking in some late night weekday time after my son sleeps.  I just recently got back into a warcraft 3 mod called DOTA and I've been neglecting my consoles.  My 360 is a netflix machine now and my ps3 was just unboxed recently to play God of War III for a few minutes.  One of my friends even joked to me "You know it plays games too right?" 

As far as family I'm considered the "gaming guy."  I got two of my cousins hooked on call of duty modern warfare  a while back and they have since bought their own consoles and clocked in some serious game time.  Their other halves haven't complained to me directly, but I'm sure they blame me for that too.  But hey it's not like I put a gun to their head and forced them to play right?

[PFof2]

My wife used to be a big gamer in the Playstation, N64 days so she doesn't really have a problem with me gaming too much, though she doesn't quite understand that when I am doing some MP that I can't just pause it and go fix the kids a snack. her excuse is "your just gonna die anyways what does it matter?" Do women have no concept of K/D ratio? seriously though mostly Its just getting my 5 year old off the 360 for me to play. I work 3rd shift so I go to work when they sleep and they get up when I come home. Maybe when oldest starts school this week I'll have more game time.

[Rich M]

...all i have to do is go to my account and see that I wasted over 2,000 hours on a stupid game...

Bummer, who let the grown-up into the room.   

[JacksDaddy]

I hear ya Jessie.  My wife used to be like that but I may have it a bit worse.  Not only do I visit with the in-laws each week, I live with them lol...  We are in the process of buying a new house and just moved to AZ, so we are settling with them for a little bit.  Hopefully no more than 4 more months since we did just put money on a new build.  But, back to the topic...

I was playing some BFBC2 with Aftr and Joey the other day and my wife kept coming in asking if I was almost done.  Well I was so I backed out.  Well the first reason I went to go play a game was because, despite having a house basically bought, my wife and FIL are sitting on the computer for literally hours looking at new houses to buy.  In my head, I'm like wtf is going on?  Why are you wasting more time doing this?  By this time, I am already just beyond sick of looking at houses, so a game is my way to get away from it.  So anyway, my wife pulls me away from a game to guess what.... look at houses.  I was so pissed off.  She didn't even ask me questions about a house, or involve me in any conversation whatsoever....  I just sat there.  This was the whole reason I set up a game room here was so that I could get away every once in a while and then she pulls me back. 

Well on the car ride to yeah, go look at our new plot of land an hour after that lol, I let her know my thoughts and she understood.  Hopefully it doesn't happen again haha...

[CrazyDaze]

Not that I expected any different but I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this. Luz and I sat down and talked about it the other day. I'm of the mind that having a discussion about the problem at hand is best done later than sooner. If you start a conversation while your upset your less likely to listen and truely discuss things. She understands my view on gaming and knows that I have EXTREMELY cut back on my gaming compared to when we got together and even more so once John was born. As for getting her to game she's just not the type. I've tried 360 & Wii games and even WoW. WoW was the closest but she's not tech savy and can not program the DVR or even figure out how to switch the TV back from the XBOX so she get's frustrated easy.

It's interesting that while we don't have a lot in common we still get along and work well as a couple. I guess it's the Yin/Yang effect. She's always the serious one while I'm the playful type. I have done things she likes, gardening, scrapbooking, etc. but our differences can get in the way since we have different ways of going about it. At least she understands that I can game and have time for the family now. We've also decided that we're going to start going out more often. We have date night once a week but sometimes it feels too planned so we're also going to goto happy hour radomly once a week as well to remind ourselves that just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to feel trapped and can't do things anytime you like. My only fear is she'll want to be doing happy hour everyday because the kids have stressed her out all day. Being that she's a 6th grade teacher and around kids from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed doesn't help the situation either.

[Jessie]

Dude, I have the same problem! My wife wants to be supportive. I mean, she has bought me the head set, the keyboard, OK'd me buying live for the next 3 months because it was a good deal, etc. However, when it actually comes down to it, she doesn't want me to play unless her 12 y/o brother is over visiting and we're playing together.

This past weekend, I took the 360 to her families house (that was a first). The plan was to use two tv's and two systems to play on live with her brother. The problem arised when we realized we no longer had any 2 matching games. Madden 08 no longer wants to go to live (I plan on discussing that in a whole different thread) and someone "borrowed and forgot to return" my HALO 3 at some point in Iraq. Sooo, I wound up playing Fable 2 all weekend while he playing MW2 on his system. I knew my wife was getting frustrated because I was spending too much time up there but I really just wanted a break from her family (I love them but we visit them EVERY weekend, no exaggeration) and I haven't had my X-Box in a couple of months (since packing it up to leave Iraq). Sure enough, on our way home, she laid into me about how I spent too much time playing and how I totally ignored her and the family, etc. etc. Nevermind the fact that her and her mom will leave to go pick up milk and stay gone for 4 hours at a time, or go into the attic to smoke and talk (walk in attic) and come out an hour later...Oh and for further clarification, it would be just fine for me to spend 6 hours watching movies, just not gaming.

My only saving grace in the forseeable future is that her little brother has pre-ordered reach. That's like my golden ticket to buy it myself. This will literally be the SECOND brand new game I've purchased in the two years of owning a 360. OK OK, I'm going off on a tangent and hijacking your thread...Sorry dude!

My point? I'm living with the same astigmatism that gaming is for kids and it's not okay for grown men. Weird how they make games that can only be sold to people 18 and over. However, that could probably be covered by the astigmatism that the only adults that play are single nerds.   

[Crucial Chase]

I don't understand the stigma behind games. my wife sometimes gets on me but she would rather me hang with friends on the xbox then go out to a bar with friends anyday...my real issue is family. they all think gaming is for children and bad for me....but my step dad watches sports all the time, all sports every sport ever. my dad watches westerns all day when he gets home. and my mom gardens outside. my grandparents watch rfdtv all the time....whats the difference its one form of entertainment to the other. and the games i play aren't for kids they are M rated. they wouldn't say why are you watching that R rated movie thats for little kids. well anyway, i think its a generational jump and for women well its a gender jump yeah there are gamer girls and my wife is one to an extent she likes to play borderlands with me and coop games but doesn't like mp. but most girls either do girl stuff or play just casual games on wii. actually amber gets frustrated at that stereotype that all girls play is wii. she hates wii lol

if she does like violent stuff play some coop games with her. if she likes casual stuff maybe rockband. and then do things she likes too. i dunno works for me since she actually likes games but doesn't like me playing them all the time. like by myself when her and aiden are up and stuff.

[Magoo]

Now i just play when everyones gone to bed,i used to play pc and xbox games pretty much all the time i wasn't working,(it wasn't unknown for me to be eatin dinner and playin in clan matches at the same time ),this pretty much destroyed my marriage,that and a certain woman(oops),me n the mrs are back together now tho and my gaming is much more rationalised and we both make sure we have time for each other,the moral of this story is find a balance between domestic life and leisure time,otherwise you will find you are living in 2 bubbles with your partner,and the gulf may get too big to bridge,now i gotta get my 15 yr old to spend less social time on his pc n more time on his social life lol.

[jmack]

I used to play a lot - like 5 hours a day. I was semi-pro, making some money playing SOFII and America's Army.

My wife (then GF) used to give me crap about it all the time, and when my son came, I really got an earful.

A few years later, I am thanking her for it. By giving up gaming, i've boosted my productivity levels up like crazy. Granted, i have my own business, so i am never "off the clock."

Sometimes i miss it, but all i have to do is go to my account and see that I wasted over 2,000 hours on a stupid game to realize that being successful takes some sacrifice... I chose to sacrifice gaming instead of my family or business.

just my .02

[dadof2b0ys]

I don't play any where near as much as I used too. I used to play everyday. Now, every few days. If that. I've had a couple stretches lately were I didn't play at all for over 10 days. When I was playing everyday, I always tried to make time for the wife and kids and only played when they were in bed. I lost out on sleep, but my job wasn't very demanding so it was alright. My current work schedule/activities don't allow me to do that any more. I have to be up really early in the morning, so I go to bed much earlier than I used to. So now, I pretty much play just on weekends. But overall, my wife is really cool about it. She has her DSi XL that she plays on, so she kind of gets it.

[croc01]

My wife used to do the same thing when we got together. But she has learned how important they are to my sanity level when I get home from work in the morning. I work in a jail and there are days when I get home that I am really stressed and need to relax. Gaming allows me to wind down and switch from work mode to home mode. Now she will sometimes sit and watch me play.

[Spectre]

Luckily my wife is cool with my gaming, she knows it's my stress relief/entertainment. And I play from 8-11/12 everyday, unless the wife and I want "us time" to talk, hang out, movie whatever. Sometimes, I play with games with my girls Mario, Wii sports, Forza etc. My 4yo is actually pretty good.

[nightstorm56]

I've been playing games almost daily since I was five. Unfortunately, I probably will never change. It does occasionally bug my GF that I do spend so much time playing games, but I do spend time with them (maybe not as much as she would like).

My only suggestion is to talk to her about it.

[JacksDaddy]

Yeah Chad, I got that a lot too.  Before I met my wife, when I wasn't in class or working, I was on my box dude.  All the time.  Then we got together and I slowed it down a bit.  Now with Jackson around I only play during his nap time.  On the rare occassions I will jump on when he is awake, but someone else is watching him.  Last Friday I was able to get on while everyone else was watching a movie I wasn't interested in.  I think I will be not interested in movies on Friday nights more often lol...  The wife even saw me playing with Jackson in the room.  He would just beat on my drums or something.  Its great that he doesn't actually pay attention to what is on the tv, so even if I am playing a violent game, he doesn't really see it.  For my wife, other than the violence, she doesn't want Jackson growing up thinking that all there is to life is video games.  But trust me, when he is able to go out and play sports and what not, he will be doing that, but for now, when he is napping, that is my time and I will use it how I please.  My wife has backed off a bunch lately though which is nice.  She used to get on me about it a lot, but now I rarely play when she is home.  We don't get much time together anyway, so when she is home, I like to spend it with her. 

[Big daddy Eis]

when i am stateside, i typically play when the family is not around, or on a Friday or Saturday after the kids are in bed.  Sometimes Megan likes to have a little quiet time and watch some T by herself, shows i may not watch, so we will pick a night and do are own thing (a night where i am not working the next day).  The other nights i spend with the kids and her.  It works out pretty well. 

[keetedw]

The fact that I didn't get an xbox until after the divorce should give you an idea of how well gaming was tolerated with the ex.

Most likely it can be chalked up to a bad day and  you were a target of opportunity.  But I would certainly recommend talking it out with her.  Come to an agreement or some sort of solid resolution.  The end of the argument cannot end with anything remotely resembling "whatever".  The big warning sign in your post is her saying she thought you'd grow up eventually.  That means, no matter what, she expects you to stop gaming at some point.

Good luck man.  Unless the woman is incredibly understanding or a gamer herself, I think gaming will always be a target.

[AIRWAVES]

 Leave the Bi@#h right now !!!!  Just kidding. I found using the head phones has greatly help me with added playing time. Wife does not have to hear all the guns blasting all night. But she still gets to hear HEADSHOT !!!! from me quite often. LOL. I got her trained now to let me game on Fridays if i am home and I will take her out on Date night on Saturdays.

[Aftrthought051]

Thank goodness my wife is cool, but I do hate how all women, if they don't game, see gaming as something a child does and therefore no man should do.  Who the hell started that crap and why are all gamers suppose to be jobless, mommy living, nerds.  I hate that stereotype, but that's a topic of discussion for another day.

I automatically do what Bill said and I think that helps.  If I'm on playing games, I jump off when the wife gets home.  When she is cooking, I will play RB or Last.Fm for her so she has something she is listening to.  Try to get a movie in w/ the wife every now and then.  She mostly just wants an ear to vent to or laugh about.

I do the dishes and the laundry, and one day my wife just had a bad day, like yours, and went off on me for playing my stupid games all day and not helping out.  Well, I easily justified to my wife how I so stuff around the house everyday.  Again, it comes to me pointing that stuff out to her everyday.  She may give me a smart a** comment like, "oh, so you want a thank you every time you do something?"  To which I reply, "yes I do.  I tell you every day thank you for cooking supper and all, so yes.  I want my god da** thank you everytime I do laundry and pick it up, and I clean up the kitchen.  So my wife did just explode on me and your wife probably just had a bad day and you were the icing on the cake.  Talk it out though and make sure she understands that this is not going away anytime soon.  Stick to your guns.

[Bigred]

I think maybe she may just wants more to do with you and not have to compete with a piece of electronic equipment.  At least that's what my wife told me.  

My response to that was that she needs to find things to do that don't involve me.

 Don't get me wrong though we spend good time together and I enjoy doing many things, including playing games, with her, and I found that if I'm playing a game and she comes home I put down he controller to spend at least a few minutes with her and see how her day was and if she wants to do something, 90% of the time that's enough and she just wants to relax watching one of her shows or home and garden TV or read.

[Paul Mckelvey]

Me and my wife are 7 years apart so she isnt into video games at all. I only Play when she is working and im home. Her recently she has being a lot more laxed so im going to run with it. We had a fight and then talked things out and since then she understands that video games are my relax time. she has her facebook and i have xbox and computer

[pinmonkey001]

I'm usually on the xbox every day.  But I usually wait until about 8 or 9 o'clock.  This way I'm jumping on the xbox as soon as I get, and the family doesn't feel like they are loosing out on some of my affection.  This isn't always the case, but that's a rule i try to stick to.

[CrazyDaze]

You leave for work and I have to take care of these damn kids who give me hell in the morning and when I get home your playing games like an effin 14 y/o! Where's John?! These were the words my wife said to me when she came home the other day.

I had gotten home from work around 3pm. I usually pick up my son but he's been complaining saying he wants to stay a bit later to play and there are no other kids in the neighborhood that are his age, well that I know of yet, so I didn't go get him. I got home and figured I never really get a chance to play games uninterupted so I started up the 360. Had been playing maybe 40 mins when she got home. She'd apparently had a rough day and I got the brunt of it.

I've been wanting to set up a time where daddy gets his gaming time to himself but when I've tried in the past the boy always ends up in my lap and I don't really want to play violent or M rated games with him watching so I end up playing LEGO or something else with him to at least pacify my addiction.

Before we got married that's all I did was play games every hour I wasn't working or sleeping. Even when we were dating I'd be playing games up to the point before I went out and sometimes right after we'd get back. I tell my wife that this is my hobby, my thing I do to blow off the stress from the day, but lately she's been getting more upset with it saying that she thought I'd grow up eventually.

Anyways what I'm wanting to ask you all is how much do you guys get to play and how do you handle it?