Family => Step-dads => Topic started by: croc01 on April 02, 2010, 01:37:06 AM

Title: Jack a55
Post by: croc01 on April 02, 2010, 01:37:06 AM
I plan on adopting my step-son who is 8 in the next year or two.

The only problem I have is with the my sons real dad. He has not been around in 7.5 years.
The first few years of my sons life he never called or wrote unless it was on a holiday or a birthday earning him the nickname "Holiday Jack". Then shortly after that commnunication slowly faded out to nothing over a period of a year and a half and then nothing since then. My wife has tried to be the better person by keeping the lines of communication open between Jack and my son. She would call Jack to tell him about things going on in the boys life but he would show little interest. He would go as far as to change his phone number  to avoid her then making up some lame excuse when she would call his parents and get his new number. The only birthday or holiday cards that would come would be sent by Jacks new woman who would write Jacks name on them.

When my son got old enough, my wife explained who Jack was in relation to him. My wife asked my son if he wanted to talk to Jack and he said yes. So over the next three years my son would try to get Jack to communicate with him. Each time Jack would say things like "I will call every two weeks" or "we can draw pictures and send them to each other" or "lets write back and forth" and my son would get excited. But, each time that would never happen. Jack might call once or twice then disappear again. It kills me to see the hurt in my sons eyes or to have him ask why Jack doesn't want to talk to him. I really HATE  that man.

So when I adopt my step-son, I plan on cutting Jack off completely. No visitation, no letters or phone calls...NOTHING. I feel like he has had enough chances to step up and be a real man and be something to his son. I don't want him to hurt my son anymore. I want my son to grow up in a happy and stable home and I don't feel that will happen with Jack f&*)ing with him. My Wife does not agree but I don' t care.

Any thoughts?
Title: Re: Jack a55
Post by: Keith on April 02, 2010, 06:47:09 AM
I think it's great that you love your son that much.   Great job for stepping up and being his dad.

I fully support you in your adoption of your son.  This is just my advice.   I don't know how old your son is, but I feel that if you are the one to cut off communication between Jack and your son (even though Jack clearly wants nothing to do with him) then one day your son might blame you for it and there probably won't be anyway to talk to him about it.   

Go ahead and adopt him, but I would tell your wife to quit trying to call Jack and just leave him alone.  Quit trying to get Jack to talk to him.

Best of luck man!
Title: Re: Jack a55
Post by: Scott H. on April 02, 2010, 07:16:26 AM
 :clap: I think adopting him is a great idea. I would love to adopt my oldest, but his father does see him (sometimes), and we don't want the rest of his family to think we're taking him away from them (even tho they only see him on holidays). Like Keith said, tho, don't be the one to cut off communication with Jack, let him do it (which it looks like he already has). I'm not sure, but I think the only way you can adopt him is if Jack relinquishes his rights.
Title: Re: Jack a55
Post by: Keith on April 02, 2010, 08:58:05 PM
but I think the only way you can adopt him is if Jack relinquishes his rights.

And in some states also if they parent hasn't spoken too or visited the child in X amount of time.