Author Topic: I Want to adopt but worried about a bees nest  (Read 2540 times)

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Offline Darkorical

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I Want to adopt but worried about a bees nest
« on: June 21, 2009, 02:50:25 PM »
My wife and I have 2 children the 3 year old boy is ours and the 6 year old girl is hers from prior marriage. My wife left her ex husband when the girl was 8 months old. and I met her when the girl was 13 months. and we were married 8 months later between our meeting and our marriage her  ex had been given 2 2 hour supervised only (which he agreed to because he wasn't going to argue the sexual molestation points) visits a week he managed to make it to about 10 of these over a two month span. every time he would visit the girl would be unable to sleep for the next few days she would just contentiously wake up all night screaming and crying. and after that two months that was about all we had heard from him. In fact we haven't had one single bit of contact from him since then (about 4 and a half years now) with the singular exception of child support. He had a previous child and marriage which he hid from my wife until his ex dumped the child on his door step. which he promptly signed away his rights on to get rid of And since he was behind on that child support the judge decided that his child support would be directly withheld this go round so he has no choice but to pay now.

Now I would love to adopt the girl and forget her bio-dad ever existed. but that would require contacting him and getting him to sign over his rights or having a court do it. but we fear that tracking him down may lead to him giving troubles and attempting to resume visitations.

so to shorten that step-daughters bio-dad hasn't contacted us in 4 years and we would like to ask him to sign over rights so I can adopt or have court terminate his rights so I can adopt but either way could lead to a denial and him attempting to resume visitations which is something we defiantly do not want.



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Re: I Want to adopt but worried about a bees nest
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2009, 04:26:18 PM »
Hey Dan, I just wanted to say cheers to you  :cham: for being there for your stepdaughter, I had a couple of stepfathers in my youth (good and bad) so I have the utmost respect for guys like you, the world could use a few more. Only you and your Wife can decide what is best for your family, personally I would fight tooth and nail for that little girl, because for as much respect as I have for guys like you I have twice as much disdain for deadbeat Dads.

Offline James Reardon

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Re: I Want to adopt but worried about a bees nest
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2009, 04:46:28 PM »

It is usually fathers day that we think about these things and how dear our families are to us.  Father don't always mean that you have to carry ones last name.  The important thing is that in her eyes you are dad.  To her biological dad probably means something like a guy that mommy used to be with.  With her nightmares I can certainly understand your families hesitation, as all FATHERS would, want to protect their children first before a personal priority.

And for you to share this story with all of us on the given day it is.  Well, my prayers are with you and your family man.

Never the less, you will be the one she thinks of when the name dad is mentioned...  When asked 'What is your dads name?'  It's going to be yours that she responds with.  And when some young fella breaks her heart here in about 8 or 9 years - It's more than likely going to be you buying the ice cream and have the talk why boys are so ignorant. (LOL).  The short of it is Dan, your the one that's been there - Your the one that's still there  - and you will be the one she turns to with the next crisis in her life (no matter the size).  You are already the father, you are already the dad, you are already the hero in her eyes...  For a piece of paper to give you both the same last names???  Is that really important to her?  I as a dad can understand your point.  I don't think I would be able to put mine through that if I were in that situation.

- Either way,  Keep us updated - Happy Fathers day Dan -
James Reardon

Offline Darkorical

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Re: I Want to adopt but worried about a bees nest
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2009, 07:01:59 PM »
thanks for the thoughts guys but something I should have pointed out. the adoption is not about changing her name to mine. its mostly about parental rights.
My wife's mother died when she was 39 years  old. and currently my wife is 32. While for the most part my wife is healthy there are a few medical aspects that have us concerned. and it generally scares my wife and alternatively car wrecks happen. and as far as I know if something should happen to my wife I wouldn't have a stone to stand on as far as custody goes even with her will in place saying that I get the girl.

any of you guys happen to have more info on that aspect of things? 


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