Author Topic: Moving On (for my brother)  (Read 3159 times)

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Offline Big daddy Eis

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Moving On (for my brother)
« on: December 14, 2008, 10:15:01 PM »
So this message is actually for my brother, not for me.  He is going through a divorce right now.  I have explained the website to him, and that he would be able to talk on here and get friendly advice, but he is a little apprehensive about it.  Doesn't wanna talk to a bunch of strangers about it, doesn't even like talking to me about it.  SO this message is for both of us. 

The big question, is how to help him move on.  He barely sees the kids right now, and spends weekends in his house reminiscing memories of when they were together.  He sits in his house alone.  This has been going on for at least 6 month now.  he has found someone else to spend time with, but dates tend to fall through, which leaves him at home by himself.  He is not divorced, however his wife is "supposedly" doing the paperwork.  He keeps insisting that she do it all.  She currently wants nothing, and i have been telling him, that he needs to grab the bull by the horns and finish this himself before she starts wanting stuff.  She has stuck him with the mortgage, and all sorts of other bills.  His job, has him going to bed early, and waking up early, so he does not get the kids that often during the week (usually about 2 hours, as they get off the bus, then they go to their mothers.  He also gets them at most every other weekend.  ANy advice that i can give him to help him through this.  To top thing off, he and my dad are not talking, have not been for the past 10 years due to a falling out.  So any advice i can pass on would be greatly appreciated.

Due to me being in the Army, all i can do has been to offer support over the phone, and it seems i can not even offer much that way.  Any suggestions as to how i can continue to help him out.  He is depressed, and has seen a psychiatrist a few times, received depression meds, but will not take them, and has not gone back to the shrink.  Due to his soon to be ex leaving him the bills, he does not have the money to pay the deductible to go to a shrink anymore.

Offline Ramblin' Dad

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2008, 07:36:06 PM »
I'm not divorced and have not been through one myself, but what is going on does not seem right. Because the divorce is in limbo your brother is being stuck with a lot of stuff he should not be and is not seeing the kids as much as he probably would if a divorce were to go through.

It seems off that he is paying all of the bills and in essence is supporting both him and now his ex's family. He should be paying part of his children's upkeep (the amount depends on how much she has them and he has them, etc), but not ALL. If she truly wants nothing, then he should not have to pay alimony, and in some cases even if she wants it, it is not guaranteed. As far as the house goes, (depending on the state law) it needs to be appraised and then split between the two of them, this includes the negative equity if this is the case.

As far as his depression goes, that is a tough one. Maybe he should be more proactive with his visitation and take the kids to do things as much as he can get away with. Not to piss the ex off, but to get some joy out of life with them. I think that the depression will get better if he is more proactive with getting the divorce finalized. He should hire a lawyer to help him with it regardless if she is the one filing or not.

I know he may not be comfortable coming in here to discuss his divorce, but it may help him if he just comes in here and hangs with us, joking and giving each other good natured shit.
 




Offline Big daddy Eis

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2008, 07:52:51 PM »
i have told him numerous times about coming on here and checking it out, and i plan to show him my account when i go to PA for X-Mas.  I have told him to get the kids as much as possible, however i am unsure if he is doing this.  I have also told him that he needs to get this divorce done so that he does not keep getting railroaded.  Plus even though she said that she did not want anything, she is slowly asking for stuff. Thus, i told him he needs to be proactive and get the divorce done.  Thanks for the advice... i will see what i can do, and who knows, maybe next month he will be up to logging on.   

jzgilchrist

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2010, 05:15:46 PM »
I am going through almost the same thing. I have been seperated for 8 months now and have my son on thursday and friday night. I am suppose to have him on every other saturday night but his mother cons me out of it constantly. Her family has lots of money and she still lives in our house. I however spend my time in a one bedroom apartment a 1000 feet from my soon to be ex-mother in law just so I can be close to my son. I am having a hard time letting go of the past. I find it extremely difficult to date, mainly because I still love my wife. It is not easy to let go of what you get use to. This is my second marriage, and seeing my son only reminds me of his mother. The only advice I can offer is to find something that relieves the hurt when your kids are not there. Rather it be reading, the gym or good friends. My friends were shared with my wife and they left me high and dry but the gym has been a comfort.

PaulMck

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2010, 10:56:46 AM »
All I can say is PUNCH THAT BI@%H IN THE TITS. I hate women (why im married i dont know. i guess i got tired of chasing tail) i get pretty brutal on this. although my parents hated each other they got along in front of us and my dad saw us anytime he can. as for your bro you need to be careful. depression can be a dangerous thing. my mom slept most of our childhood and could have slipped into a diabetic coma from it. I hope he can find a way to pull out of this

Offline Big daddy Eis

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2010, 03:20:39 AM »
As this post was started well over a year ago, here is an update.  My brother is doing better.  He seems to have moved on.  He has ha a few relationships since then, unfortunately neither has worked out.  The first one passed away, and the second one they both recognized that they would be better as friends.  The kids seem to be doing fine.  As far as his ex-wife (they finally got divorced) her new boyfriend started sleeping around her her.  What does around comes around.  So he is still rebuilding his life, but doing much better.

PaulMck

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Re: Moving On (for my brother)
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2010, 10:16:49 AM »
Thats awesome glad to hear it

 



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