Author Topic: New Baby  (Read 2777 times)

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phisig03

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New Baby
« on: August 18, 2009, 11:40:25 AM »
Hey all,

My wife is getting ready to go back to work in the next couple of weeks after maternity and I have got to admit (this sounds so awful) that I am scared to death about being home with the kids!

I have been a WAHD (freelance writer) for over a year and a half now and it has been easy because when I relocated to Florida and quit my full-time job, my daughter was a year and a half old. She is great and was able to keep herself occupied with toys and Noggin while I worked.

The issue that is scaring me is being home with a newborn. I was working full-time when my daughter was that age, so I was not involved in her day-to-day care until the time I got home from work before my wife got off or unless I had a day off or whatnot.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I hope this doesnt make me look like a deadbeat!

It's funny, I think my wife prefers them when they are this age, newborn, when they are so needy, but I prefer them at my daughter's age, because they are a little more independent and a lot more fun and interactive!

I have found myself getting frustrated at times if I don't know what my son needs and he is a lot more fussier than my daughter was at any point (although my wife will never acknowledge this).

So I guess, how has everyone done it was a newborn, especially with balancing working from home and a three-year old?

Thanks everyone.

Offline Keith

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2009, 12:00:30 PM »

It's funny, I think my wife prefers them when they are this age, newborn, when they are so needy, but I prefer them at my daughter's age, because they are a little more independent and a lot more fun and interactive!

I'm not a WAHD or a SAHD, but I will have to say that this is VERY normal.  I'm alot better with older children than I was with little babies.  Not that I was bad with babies, but I would just get so frustrated because they couldn't tell me what was wrong or what they needed.


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Offline Scott H.

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2009, 12:27:43 PM »
I think that's normal. I was at home with Nik for the first 4 months of his life, and I was scared $hitless! I'd get frustrated because I couldn't figure out what was wrong when he was crying. I had to remember two things... 1. Call the wife and get her opinion and 2. let him cry for a few minutes while you settle down.

Whenever he starts getting fussy, go through a check list...

1. does he need a diaper?
2. is he hungry?
3. is he tired?
4. does he have gas?


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Offline Aftrthought051

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2009, 02:11:28 PM »
I think all women and men must be like that.  My wife loves the newborn, loves taking care of them and how tiny they are.  I like when they get/got older and I can rough house w/ them and they can tell what it is they want instead of just crying.
I know you are scared but I'm sure you will adjusted quickly enough.  It will be difficult at first, but then you will get a routine and it will work.  Like others said, enjoy the time w/ your kids that you can before they want nothing to do w/ you.   :laugh2:

Offline joey791

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2009, 08:52:47 PM »
A partial shot of Jack Daniel's in their bottle cures anything :LMAO:

But really it will be cool, even after my second one I was afraid I would break him when I held him, you'll do ok

Offline Quagmire

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2009, 10:24:29 PM »
I'm in a similar situation (kind of).  My wife has also been out on maternity leave since we had our son two months ago.  We're planning on her being a SAHM, but she had to return to work at least for a few days to tender her resignation and tie up loose ends and stuff.  (If she just quit at the end of leave without going back, we're on the hook for the birth medical expenses and stuff...insurance is through her for now).

I arranged my schedule so that I could be at home for these next few weeks while she goes back to work.  She returned to work last Friday.  That day, and yesterday went great.  My son was cooperative and easy to care for.

Today was a f-ing nightmare.  He was fussy almost the entire day, and nothing seemed to console him.  I could tell he had some gas or poo-pain, since he kept drawing his legs up to his chest-and would settle (for just a little while) everytime he farted/pooed.  But, it was never long before he started wailing again.  I know that my wife pumped milk and froze it after some spicy/fatty/gassy meals shorty after he was born, before we knew any better.  I suspect that part of the reason he was fussy could have been from some of this milk in the freezer.  Changing his diaper wouldn't quiet him.  Neither would burping him.  He wouldn't take a pacifier.  I tried doing the "bicycling his legs thing" to work out his gas, but that didn't work.  He'd be quiet for a little while when I fed him, but would start crying shortly thereafter.  It got to the point that I begged my wife to try to find a way to work from home for the duration of her time at work.  I did this while wearing my shooting earmuffs to try to insulate myself from the noise of his wailing.

The end of the day came, and my wife came home from work.  He's still fussing.

I'm not trying to scare you.  I wanted to prepare you for the reality of what's to come, and I wanted to make two points:

While your wife may have more patience than you do (if you're anything like me), she's not a magician.  As I said, he's still fussing even though she's home.  She's said that she's had days like this before when I've been at work.  So-don't feel like you've failed as a parent or anything if you can't console him.  Chances are, he's been this way for your wife too-even if she won't admit it.

Two (and much more important):  I know you already know this, but I'm gonna say it for good measure...if he's crying and it's just getting under your skin and driving you crazy-put him in his crib and let him cry there while you go and catch your breath.  No kid has ever been harmed from crying too much (assuming of course that he's not injured).  Letting him cry for a bit in his crib without you is far better than letting him get the best if your patience, and you snapping.

Panoramix18

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2009, 10:27:17 PM »
My wife just gave birth a few weeks ago and I have had a couple days alone with my daughter.  The checklist is the best idea I have.  My daughter loves to be held, so if I go through the checklist and get nothing, I usually just hold her for a few minutes and she quiets down.  Don't forget that sometimes they just cry, just let them.  If they are crying they are breathing and everything is ok.  I've already yelled at my daughter to be quiet (by the way that didn't work oddly enough).  We are still working on the getting to sleep at night, but we are making progress.  My best advice is to relax and just deal with it as comes along and do the best you can.  

Offline Quagmire

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2009, 10:31:14 PM »
My daughter loves to be held, so if I go through the checklist and get nothing, I usually just hold her for a few minutes and she quiets down.

Excellent point...I should have added that.  A little later this afternoon, I tried putting my son in the Bjorn, and he quieted down a bit...as long as I was moving.  If I tried to sit or lay down, he'd fuss.  But walking around the house with him in the Bjorn seemed to make him happy(ier)

phisig03

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2009, 04:02:32 PM »
Thanks for the advise everyone. My next posts may be a little more panicky when my wife does go back to work, so stay tuned!

Jay610

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2010, 07:12:42 PM »
I'm not sure if this was mentioned already being that I did not read everyones replies but has anyone tried swaddling their baby? Babies love to feel nice and snuggled because I guess it feels like they're still inside their mothers belly. This worked for me when my son was only a few months old and would start to get a little cranky. You can also try feeding them when they are being swaddled just for extra comfort.  Also those big yoga balls come in handy which you can bounce up and down that may calm them down or even put them to sleep. Good Luck!!  :excited:

Ronins_Daddy

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Re: New Baby
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2010, 09:48:14 AM »
As a stay at home dad by choice. I have also just had a second child. I will only have my wife here for 3 weeks before she goes back to work. I remember how nervous i was with our son. I think this time around will be better though considering. You just have to remember that even though they are more care at this age. They are only looking for a few things. When whatever it is they are needing is found they fall back to sleep peacefully. Just keep in mind not to let your self get frazzled I know i have a tendency to do so as well. But overall just be patient with yourself and know that your not alone..;) Congrats by the way.

 



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