Author Topic: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support  (Read 2895 times)

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oktoberrust11

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Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« on: March 05, 2010, 02:39:24 PM »
Hi guys -

I haven't posted much here, but I need to get this out and hopefully get some feedback. My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years, been together for 9. About a year after we first started going out, I got a Beagle, Rex. She was over my condo quite often, and she didn't say anything "bad" at the time, in fact, the 3 of us had a really good time. She used to like him and be fine with him around, but over the last few years, she has developed asthma, apparently caused by the dog. I know she has always been allergic to cats, but didn't know to dogs.

She has been using an inhaler when needed aver the last year or so, and she says she shouldn't have to sacrifice her health for an animal. We also have a 1 year old daughter, and she's afraid she'll develop asthma/allergies to the dog as well. As it is now, she wants me to find a "new home" for Rex. He basically lives in the basement, as she doesn't want him upstairs at all. He is a great, well-behaved dog, and I feel bad he is down there all day long. I have him upstairs when I can, when she's in bed, etc., and we go for walks when I can, but he's still down there alot.

This has started to affect our marriage negatively. She literally hates him, and every week or two she asks me what I'm going to do with him. I guess this is coming off like I'm an ass for not just doing something with him, but I have a bond with him, and it's hard for me to do it. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Thanks,
Matt

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2010, 02:45:04 PM »
do you have options outside? fence?
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oktoberrust11

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2010, 02:48:41 PM »
do you have options outside? fence?

Yes, he has a small (~8' x 18') fenced in area outside to do his thing, but it gets cold (as it is now) in Michigan in the winters. I'd need to do some kind of heated dog house or something.

Offline Frobozz

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2010, 02:54:08 PM »
Sometimes the options in life are bad vs. worse.  This is one of those situations.   Maybe you can post both the dog and your wife on Craig's list as being up for adoption and just let go of whichever attracts the most interest.


 

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2010, 02:55:36 PM »
My two beagles have a large plastic dog house, and I keep a heat lamp out there for them.  It's probably warmer in their house than it is in mine.  They do just fine back there, but as you know, expect a little barking.  

My daughter has mild asthma, and she is allergic to everything.  She gets allergy shots, and they really help to contain her allergies.  My kids have a Pomchi fur ball kind of dog that stays inside, and my daughter doesn't have any problems, even though she's been tested and shows to be allergic to animals.  I would suggest your wife look into allergy shots for her own benefit regardless of this animal situation.  

In the end, it's all about compromise.  She shouldn't give you an ultimatum, but help you come up with a solution that both of you can agree to.  

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2010, 03:14:52 PM »
One thing that might help is the food you feed him. There are foods out there that help reduce shedding and allergens (along with odor). Have you checked into this aspect? Or, like Leukoi said, maybe she can take the shot so she's not bothered any more. Y'all should compromise on it.


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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2010, 03:22:04 PM »
I don't really have any advice as I'm in kind of the situation.  At least your wife has a possible reason, my wife is just tired of ours.

Anyway, good luck and I'll keep my eye on this thread to get some advice too.


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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2010, 03:40:06 PM »
Man.  That's tough.   Believe me, I know how you feel with your dog.  They don't call them "Man's best friend" for nothing!

But, since your wife is having some bad allergies it would be the right thing to do.   But, I would put him outside.  Don't get rid of him.   I'm sure that you could even buy him a doghouse.  I know they sell them at Walmart, the pre-fabbed ones.    Get a heat lamp and your set.

Just like the other guys, it bothers me that she is giving you an ultimatum, as one guy said earlier, she should be offering advice about what to do so that you guys could work together to solve the problem.

Hope all works out!

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oktoberrust11

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2010, 10:55:39 PM »
Thanks everyone for your posts..

Quote from: Frobozz
Sometimes the options in life are bad vs. worse.  This is one of those situations.   Maybe you can post both the dog and your wife on Craig's list as being up for adoption and just let go of whichever attracts the most interest.
:rollinglaugh:

Quote from: Leukoi
In the end, it's all about compromise.  She shouldn't give you an ultimatum, but help you come up with a solution that both of you can agree to.

The problem is, in her mind, she's already compromised. Her health. She's compromised by putting the dog downstairs. If I ask her to get a shot, I know what the response will be.."why should I have to do that? I already have an inhaler, all I do is compromise about this, but you don't."

Quote from: Scott H.
One thing that might help is the food you feed him. There are foods out there that help reduce shedding and allergens (along with odor). Have you checked into this aspect?

No, I haven't checked into food that will help with shedding, but I will.

Quote from: Adrian's Dad
I don't really have any advice as I'm in kind of the situation.  At least your wife has a possible reason, my wife is just tired of ours.

Honestly, I think that's part of it with her too. She just doesn't like him. He begs for food. He licks the kitchen floor. He whines when he's downstairs. Etc, etc, etc.

Quote from: Keith
But, since your wife is having some bad allergies it would be the right thing to do.   But, I would put him outside.  Don't get rid of him.   I'm sure that you could even buy him a doghouse.  I know they sell them at Walmart, the pre-fabbed ones.    Get a heat lamp and your set.

Just like the other guys, it bothers me that she is giving you an ultimatum, as one guy said earlier, she should be offering advice about what to do so that you guys could work together to solve the problem.

I like the outside idea, I just don't see him staying out there. Definitely would need to get him a heated dog house, but he's not a fan of staying outside by himself for too long.

I've been ignoring this issue with her, we talk/argue about it for a bit, then don't say anything about it for a while. It's one of those things I know we need to resolve. arg.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 10:59:23 PM by oktoberrust11 »

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2010, 11:03:09 PM »
People are usually allergic to the dandruff of a dog. If you brush him every day, it will cut down on shedding of dandruff. Also, get a dog shampoo with coal tar in it, which will reduce the amount of dandruff.
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Offline Aftrthought051

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2010, 10:22:42 AM »
I feel you on the outside issue.  I really hate that.  People say that they have a fur coat and all, but you know, let's see you go out there.  Even w/ thermals it gets freakin' cold, esp at night.  Plus I've had dogs all my life, and even outside is going to be the same as the basement.  You really don't see them as much, and plus they get really stinky.  :laugh2:

My wife has allegeries as well and she doesn't like the two dogs at all.  She tells me all the time how she can't wait till they are gone.  So my fight isn't now, but years down the road when I want to get that replacement dog.  She's allergic to cats, but says that the dog hairs bother her.  Sounds similiar to yours.  But mine does still love the dogs and pet them and all.  Messes though are still my department.   :laugh2:

So I agree that your wife shouldn't be giving you an ultimatium.  A marriage is all about compromise, and she should understand your love you have for your dog.  I can tell how strong it is just by what you typed, and so she should see that, and sacrafice some for you.  Bad for her health.  OMFG!!  Let's not get all dramatic.  You are not going to die or have your life shortened just b/c a dog lives in your house and you are allegeric.  Get over yourself.  In fact, studies show that ppl who live w/ pets tend to live longer and happier lives.  Something she definitely needs help in.

Me, I would continue to fight the good fight.  Point out the sacrafices you have made in the marriage.  The things you do that you really don't like, but don't complain b/c you know they make her happy.  We all do stuff in our marriage we wouldn't ordinarily do.  Maybe we come to like it, but I still think we come to like it b/c of the joy we know it brings our partner, and that is why we end up loving it and not minding it as much.  See about the allergy shot, or tell her to just get hopped up on Benadryl.  I wish you all the best of luck though.  It's not going to be easy.

PaulMck

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2010, 10:47:36 AM »
I Know exactly how you feel. my wife is 7 yrs older than me and she hates everything I do (especially video games). we got along for the most part except fights that are really caused by her stress from being laid of and us losing our health benifits plus im unemployed at the moment and she thinks I don't care because I dont handle stress badly like she does. As for the dog, that is as gay as aids. I would definitly do like those other guys. my wife hated our dog when i brought it home as a puppy. now its a big smelly dog and I hate it and she is in love with it. You could also look into another breed of dog, Heard that Labradoodles have absolutley no allergen causing problems. the get there no dander/shedding from the poodle in them. I would come up with something no kid should grow up without a dog. so look into an allergen free one

oktoberrust11

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Re: Wife wants the dog gone, looking for advice/support
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2010, 04:22:01 PM »
Thanks again guys for the replies. The issue isn't completely resolved, but for now I am doing daily vacuuming and keeping him in the basement as much as possible. I work at home and my office is in the basement, so at least i'm with him a lot of the day. It's been getting nice out so we're going for daily walks which helps as well. She seems ok about it right now, but I know the issue will come up again.

Then I'll be back here. :)

 



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