Author Topic: IMVU?  (Read 2326 times)

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CrazyDaze

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IMVU?
« on: June 25, 2010, 02:11:08 PM »
My 14y/o daughter came to my wife and I the other night and asked about getting a $25 card for IMVU. We owe her money for babysitting and this is what she wants to spend it on.

IMVU is advertised as an 3D instant messager. Just pulling up the website offers pics of semi realistic virtual characters in intimate settings. My immediate reaction is to say hell no and delete her account and block the site from my house but before I over react I wanted to see if anyone on here has any experience with the site.

I've done some searches and found the site has a bad rep on no policing of it's own. It relies on the users to police themselves or use reporting procedures that from most reports doesn't get immediate action unless it's severly sexual or violent. The BBB gives the site an A+ rating even though they have several unresolved issues.

Also I would like to ask if anyone has any alternatives that they allow their sons or daughters to use to be social online.

Offline Frobozz

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2010, 02:20:39 PM »


 

Offline Keith

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2010, 08:30:03 AM »
Quote
After reading about the childsafety issues i went to do a bit of research myself and just seaching the groups with hte keyword "sex" landed me many many groups that focus on sex, prositution and porn, all rated as GA, meaning Imvu indicates that those groups are perfectly safe for 13 and over.

I'm just 24 and have no chlidren but i honestly have to say that if I did have a child of 13 I would not allowe him/her on imvu. Not even under supervision. From personal experience I also know that women get sexually harrased all the time in teh public chatrooms. Repeatedly reporting offenders seems to do nothing.

I just copied that off the page that Fro posted.   I wouldn't let my kids be on that site either.  I don't know of any alternatives either.

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Offline JacksDaddy

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2010, 01:37:20 PM »
I only have a son of 18 months, but not in a million years would he have my permission to be on that site.  It seems like an adult online sex site and I don't feel that it is appropriate for children...  Just my opinion and 2 cents...

Offline BobChase

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2010, 06:48:13 AM »
It looks like a place for people to get their virtual "freak on." Not an appropriate place for a 14yo girl IMO.


Offline Big daddy Eis

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2010, 06:55:42 AM »
i agree with the consensus on here.  This is not a site that is appropriate for children.  I would personally block it on my computers at home if my kids were older.

Ronins_Daddy

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2010, 10:01:32 AM »
As someone who has been on the site previously for quite some time. I think i can interject somethings that may help.IMVU has a lot of things that let you keep certain things about profiles and info private to yourself or just friends a lot better than some other sites. As for it being a place to get your "freak" on there are some people that do use it for such and base clubs and groups around it but make sure that it is only for 18+. I have helped a friend's preteen navigate the site and he knows what to stay away from and what to keep personal on the site. I mean it is obvious who is there for what. With good info the kids would be ok there are many kids on the site though in comparison to adults but I would only let a teen on who is aware of what the site is about. As for the lil avatars they do not do anything that is majorly indiscreet  just as usual depends on what the individual wants to add to their avatar. No A/C can be bought without age verification. Does that mean i would let any young person on the site. No I would wait till they are of age when they can understand a difference between certain avoidances.

CrazyDaze

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2010, 04:51:58 PM »
Thanks for the input everyone. I was definitely of the mind set to block the site especially after creating an account and spending an hour looking around. We had a big talk about my concerns and views on what the site is all about, which to me is like someone here said "to get your freak on", during which she let me know her opinions on me controlling her life. Anyhow I will have to say that I have, for now, allowed her to have access to it.


MORE DETAILS
I spent two hours watching everything she was doing and wouldn't let her tell her friends or anyone what was going on as I wanted any interactions on her friends or visitors part to be genuine and not filtered knowing a parent was watching. My daughter put up quite a fight before we actually sat down together but when it finally sank in that there was no other option she agreed. Needless to say her character was scantily dressed like a she wolf but that doesn't bother me. I've seen worse on public television. Her friends talked away about boys and music sometimes to her embarrassment that her dad was reading but nothing that was said was any more than what I'd expect from boy crazy teenagers.

Through the two hours some complete strangers had asked to chat and she showed me how she handles it by looking at their profiles and asking basic questions about likes and dislikes with music or school, admittedly she could put up a front for me but I didn't get that feeling. If she felt they had things in common she'd let them into the private chat room her and her friends stay in. I asked her about the public chat rooms and she said she couldn't stand them because it was utter chaos. She and her friends couldn't have a conversation because of all the random comments being tossed around, one of the big things I remember from being in chat rooms back in the day where text would just fly by and it would take 15 min just to say a few words back and forth because of having to scroll back to see what had been said, and they couldn't listen to music they liked. The couple of strangers she let in really didn't stay long. The girls would be gabbing and those who entered really didn't say much and got bored, I guess, with all the girls gabbing and left.

She has 7 friends’ 3 of which I know personally and have no problems with the other four seemed more timid and their chat was nothing that caused me any concern about them. The majority of her time was spent like I said talking boys and music, playing with some silly pet and some kind of simple RPG game. When I finally got bored I told her that she can only play the game in the front room where I can at any time walk over and ask for the laptop with no hesitation and look at what she was doing. I also made it quite clear that when I ask for it she's not allowed to do anything other than hand it over for me to look at. As I told her when we started the initial two hours. I want whatever is being said in chat to be unfiltered so no warning your friends that your dad is going to be looking at the screen.

She knows that if I ever find anything questionable she loses her computer rights completely for the rest of summer which I have faith in her to keep at the front of her thoughts while on there. Also she has no access to a computer once the wife and I go to bed which helps me sleep easier about my decision to allow her to continue on IMVU for now. Oh and the final note to make is that this started because she wanted to spend money on it but after all the talk and everything she came to the understanding that it really is just a waste of money that she could buy REAL clothes or makeup instead.

Offline JacksDaddy

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2010, 07:31:02 PM »
Keeping it a public computer is a good idea and settling limits, rules and boundaries is a good idea as well.  Sounds like you have it under control.  I guess my opinion on it is still relatively the same, but it does almost seem like an upgraded instant messenger...  Like, you have chat rooms and what not, but now you have a virtual self?  I don't understand the point, but I guess I am not a teenage girl anymore either lol...

CrazyDaze

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2010, 01:31:44 PM »
Thought I'd give an update on this..
*Warning this is long*

A week and half back..
The computer locks my daughter out at 12pm during the summer and she unfortunately for her didn't shut down IMVU and when I woke up in the morning to sync my iPod podcasts the computer seemed to be running slow. This is normal if my daughter leaves the web browser open so I switched to her user name and found that she had been talking very inappropriately in chat and one guy she had talked to said to make sure her "rents" don't find his email. Her response was that we didn't know her password and not to worry. A suprise to me since that was one of the rules we had was that we needed to know any passwords she uses for anything she does.

I was running late for work so I locked everything down and told Luz to not allow her on the computer until I got home. When they woke up in the morning and she tried to get on the computer Luz told her what I said. She then snuck into our room and found the laptop while Luz was in the shower and started to send a message to the guy but my wife came out and caught her before she could finish. She had quickly closed the laptop but didn't know the message didn't get sent.

When I got home and confronted her she claimed it was just "acting" and doesn't understand what the big deal was. I then asked for her to log onto her email to which she quickly said no problem and logged in. It was at this point while looking through her emails Luz told me about the morning events. I asked to see the laptop and sure enough the message she was typing was still on screen and never sent.

The message contained the incriminating evidence that stated she has deleted his email and info from her contacts and wasn't going to talk to him for a bit until things blow over. Upon reading this my daughter then says "What is this?! You guys are setting me up!". I've never wanted to beat someone more in my life.

To keep this from going any longer, because it continued all night and the next day, she has been completely shut down from any computer in the house. All the passwords have been changed and all her accounts have been deleted, ie- email, facebook, myspace, imvu and anything else. When threatend with summer grounding it was amazing how quickly she gave up everything.

Never did find what the email contained but I can guess. My wife being a softy let her off grounding 2 days later and gave her cell phone back. Still not allowed on computer though.

Yesterday..
She has now lost the phone permanently for lying about going to school for FFA (Future Farmers of America) and hanging out with junior class boys. She was allowed to goto the FFA and help with the animals because she wants to become a veterinarian (I think that's right, animal doctor). She was leaving the house at 830a and not returning until 5p. She would ride her bike as we live 2 blocks from school. When we asked the teacher the first day she went he said that kids were there about that long. Now when questioned further found that some kids tended their animals early in the day and other kids tended theirs in the afternoon and there really was no reason for her to be there all day. I once again have never wanted to beat someone more. She hasn't even started high school and I see things just getting worse once she does start come September. The wife and I are now trying to work the finances to get her into an all girl private school. I swear if I had any hair left it'd deffinitely be gone now or extremely gray from the stress.

"To keep this from going any longer" - Guess I didn't do that good a job at that.

Offline Aftrthought051

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2010, 05:55:19 PM »
That's rough.  I don't envy you as my daughter is only 7, but my time is a coming.

Good for you for shutting everything down and finding out about it.  It's a shame you couldn't get a hold of that email, or even his contact info.  If I found out a guy was saying things to my daughter that he was not comfortable saying in front of me, a phone call from me would be the least of his worries.  Especially an older boy.  I welcome a 17 year or older to try things w/ my daughter.  He's considered an adult here.   :devil:

It seems that she just needs more restrictive parenting.  I know you hate to do it b/c I would as well, but right now she is displaying zero trust.  Best of luck w/ it all though.

Offline keetedw

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Re: IMVU?
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2010, 06:56:13 PM »
This is such a rough place to be.

I keep thinking back to when I was a kid.  The more my ma locked me down, the more I did to get around those restrictions (sneaking out, lying about where I was or where I was going, etc.).

I think you're going to have to get creative here.  If you can find a way to let her know this isn't as much about trust as it is about you being legitimately concerned for her safety (in the many forms that word takes, here), maybe she'll back off a bit on being sneaky.  She may think you're overreacting about something she considers harmless, but most kids think they know everything.  Harsh rules come across as you being an a-hole, not as you wanting her to be safe.

If you come down hard on her, you risk pushing her away.  I'm not saying let her do whatever.  Hell no.  If there's a rule, and it's broken, there's a consequence.

Could you find ways to be lenient in low risk areas so she feels like you're not trying to control every bit of her life?  Maybe if she feels a bit less pressure, she'll back off also.  Like most of us, though...if we get backed into a corner, we lash out.  Maybe let her do a bit more with her friends, but send you an SMS every so often as a way to check in or something.  But let her know sneaking around and hiding things from you doesn't warrant trust from you either (and has consequences).

I don't envy you (my daughter's only 8...we'll see how my situation pans out) and I wish you the best of luck.
 

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