Author Topic: Sharing my life as a Step-Dad  (Read 2431 times)

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Duke

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Sharing my life as a Step-Dad
« on: July 19, 2010, 12:02:02 PM »
I thought I would take some time and share with you guys my story. I've notice a lot of guys on this site opening up to some personal stuff which I think is great. I'll do my part and share with you some of my life because I've had the liberty of reading up on many of yours.

Back ground info:
I grew up in a small city where my father owned a few companies (which ended up growing throughout the USA and Canada) My folks were quite wealthy and my sister and I grew up spoiled but had to work to get what we wanted.

As a kid I played hockey (Canadian usually do at some point). I started at 4yrs old. My father played for the OHL (this is the league below the NHL). He was drafted to an NHL team but got really sick during the tryouts that he had to back down. There went his dreams. Thus me playing hockey! I really liked hockey has a kid and still do but not to the same extent. Here's the story behind this.

My father made a rink in our front yard every winter. I had to practice with him before school and after school. Sometimes twice at night if I didn't have homework. Obviously I had regular team practices on weekends along with games. During the summer months my father would rent out a whole arena for a weekend so I could "stay on my game" and not loose track of where I was, and be ready for next season.

As you can imagine I wanted to play with my friends in the park or just go sliding whatever the other kids did while I was practicing. This went on for years! I mean years! One winter before we moved to the big city we were on our way to a game and I told my father that I didn't want to play.( I was about 13-14) "That's ridiculous!" We argued about this all the way there. I made sure I told my coach I didn't want to play and I was happy to sit on the bench. He said that was fine. By period 3 my father lost it, he was yelling at the coach because I haven't played yet. This got everyone's pantie's in a bunch. I had team mates, coaches and my wonderful father yelling at me to get on the ice (they had pulled a player off the ice - they were one man down)  So what did I do? I stepped on the ice and just stood there. My father jumped the bench and yanked me in the change rooms and yelled at me the whole ride home. I told him I never want to play again.

To this day I have yet to step out on a rink to play hockey. We haven't seen eye to eye since then. According to him, I don't like hockey, he changes the channel if I'm in the same room as him etc.

So that's a bit about my childhood. Now lets get to the point - your probably wondering why the heck did he post this under Step Dads. I'll get there I promise.

The Recent Years:
Alright so I get a lot of weird looks because of my choices in life....

I got married to the most wonderful person in the world a year ago. Here's the catch - I'm 23 and she is 30. She has an 8 year old son. He is probably the coolest kid I've ever met. His dad the biggest douchebag in the world. (He won the award last year and hopes to keep the title for the next few years to come). So people think it's strange that A) we got married so soon (we knew eather 7 months before we got married) B) the age difference apparently I should still be in college, drinking, going to strip clubs and getting new tail every night. C) the fact that I'm a step-dad and take interest in every part of his life.

My wife is now 2 months pregnant - haven't told too many people including my son.

To The Point:
So as a new step-dad I have a few bumps in my road. My son (who I have considered my son since day 1) sees his real dad like a king. Jesus if you will. He can do no wrong, He will do whatever he says even though he's been let down time after time after time. He plays competitive Lacrosse. He had a tournament this past weekend and his dad said he's be there for both Saturday games. He tells my wife and I this over the phone. We didn't tell our son because we didn't want him to be disappointed again. Guess who didn't show up. That's right! Douchebag of the year! I want to tell him all of the things he's done to his mom and him that he us unaware of. My wife on the other hand wants to keep the peace. HELP!

He's never up to date with his child support months behind, but "we have to keep the peace". He gets off not paying anything other than monthly child support.

When will he realise who his father really is without us/me saying anything? I mean we have a great relationship - he's always asking for me when I'm not there to put him to bed. He never asks for his dad unless he just got home from there. We do all sorts of boy thing together while mommy shops or gets her hair done. I just don't understand what it will take.

Now that my wife is pregnant - I'm worried how will he react? Is he old enough to accept it? He's been the golden child his whole life only grandson and now someone else is coming...he'll need to share that with this new baby. I know everyone always says you buy something for the baby, you need to get something for him too. Get him to help with the baby stuff. But what if he just doesn't care. If he think I will love this baby more than him? If his mom loves this baby more than him.

These are my stresses. Thank you for reading. I'm excited to read your responses.
PS. keep posting your personal stuff too I love to read up on what people are going through - I may be young but I am wise! ha ha

Offline Scott H.

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Re: Sharing my life as a Step-Dad
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2010, 01:55:55 PM »
How he'll react to the baby... you won't know until the baby's here, honestly. Try to keep him informed as to what's going on with your wife's pregnancy, and have him help out when he can. Get him involved now, and you shouldn't have any issues later. I don't agree with getting him a gift because the baby got one, but that's just my personal opinion.

Our boys are about the same age, and I think the donor's are in contention for that title. We've started letting Levi's donor tell him when he's going to be there or not. We won't relay the message to Levi nor keep it from him. That way, he can see with his own eyes what his donor is doing, and the promises he breaks. We think that doing like that will keep him from resenting either one of us, and it helps him and I keep the true father/son relationship.


People who think they know it all really annoy those of us that do.

CrazyDaze

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Re: Sharing my life as a Step-Dad
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2010, 12:07:55 PM »
I have known my daughter*, Ali, since she was 6. My wife, Luz, and I started dating when she was almost 10 and we we're married when she was 11. Ali has been in a 50/50 custody since she was 8 and she started out thinking her "dad" was the greatest. Luz had spoken poorly of her father to myself and Ali which has sparked arguments between us. I believe that she should'nt say bad things and let Ali learn for herself. Luz has eased up a lot over the past year and only goes off when she comes home crying from something her "dad" has said about her weight or looks. She stoppped calling him "dad" shortly after we got married and only addresses him by his name.

I've talked with Ali's donor on several occasions and found him to be a huge douche. I have never said anything to her about him except I don't really care for him. Even though she called me dad she still felt feelings for him. Well that was until last summer. He was in rare form saying she was never going to amount to anything because she can't clean a room properly along with you've got fat in your genes so you better start Weight Watchers with your step mom.

I could go on but I guess I'll just say that don't shield your child from their donor. It will be extremely hard on them and you at times but I feel it helps them in the long run.

* - I say daughter because she is. I may not be biological but I love her just as much as my 3 y/o son John and she knows that. Oh and one last gem from her douche donor. She was introduced at a family get together and he "jokingly" introduced her as "the product of his affair". We know this to be true as her cousin from his side has joked with her about the title on facebook.

How your son will handle news about another child I'm unsure. Girls get all giddy about babbies and Ali couldn't wait for her new sibling. I was about 8 when my sister was born and I had no problem with it but I also had an older brother.

PaulMck

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Re: Sharing my life as a Step-Dad
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2010, 05:22:03 PM »
Yeah at least that douchebag pays child support. my girls donor calls about once every month or so from mexico tells them a bunch of lies maybe sends a DS then wont call again. the middle child who is 8 doesnt really talk to him much and could care less but the older one 10 thinks he is going to do everything he says and thinks he is a god. Yet he lets her down time after time. I just let her do her own thing and shell figure it out in time.

Offline Scott H.

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Re: Sharing my life as a Step-Dad
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2010, 09:48:08 AM »
The latest douchebagery from my son's donor... Levi spent the month of July in Lubbock (6.5 hours from here) with his biological. While there, Levi gained quite a bit of weight because he had noithing to do but sit around, and he had free reign of the pantry and fridge. So now none of his clothes fit. With school starting next week, we have to go buy a whole new uniform wardrobe for him PLUS clothes to wear when not in school. Jaime called and talked to the db, and he says "How much do you need? I'll send a check right away." Two weeks later, no check, but he's managed to call Levi (and use up all the minutes he bought him for his "new" cell phone) and promised him the money, plus the games & charger for his new DS that were left there, and more money for work Levi did while in Lubbock. Now, Levi's going to spend the week with the db's sister (she's actually a good influence on Levi) so once again, my son's not home.

Oh, and the db bought Levi two hermit crabs when he came home, and one's already dead! That damn thing was on the verge of dying when he got him! Guess what, you need to have two of those little critters to keep each other company, otherwise they get lonely and die!


People who think they know it all really annoy those of us that do.

 



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