Author Topic: Alone and Frustrated  (Read 2930 times)

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Alone

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Alone and Frustrated
« on: November 03, 2010, 12:12:45 PM »
I am new to this, and apologize in advance for what may seem to be confusion while I type but I am wondering if anyone has some advice.  I was married for 6 years and have two kids.  Had a house, cars, good job, and a family.  One day my wife just left me at a club and went with someother dude.  Left me with a huge mortgage debt and the stress of knowing what to do next.  We shared custody.  Now it has been two years, since then I had to sell my house and purchased a smaller one that will work for now, tried dating and had issues there as well.  Dated a girl for a year to the day that she passed away from Liver issues, and had that stress on top of it all.  Now I am dating someone else who I really care about, genuine and loves my kids but I cannot seem to stop worrying about everything.  Whenever I know she has contact with any of her ex's I get tense and panic.  She is a hairdresser and cuts there hair and whenever  I find out I just panic inside.  I am scared constantly of anything anymore, as during my divorce I lost my job as well do to the "stress'.  Ive lost a ton of money loaning to my ex wife's family...and now I just cant trust people. Alone.  I dont know what is wrong or how I can fix this but am scared of ending up old, bitter, and alone......
If periods of time go without hearing from her I worry so I check in just to get a response which ruins my day.....

_John

kruseing_dragon

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2010, 12:30:00 PM »
Hey John, welcome, I feel for you the best advice I can give is that as hard as it is you have to learn to trust again and you have to be open with this woman you're dating let her know how you feel about things and that your trust issues are going to take time to be resolved and if she's any kind of real Woman she will understand and help you to get through this. All the best to you and I hope things work out for you, this is the best place you could've come to the guys here are always on hand to help each other out even if it's just to lend an ear.

Offline z_randy

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2010, 01:32:56 PM »
Hi John and welcome.  I've never been through what you are going through but I think we have all been dumped on in the past and can feel your pain.  It will take time but if this girlfriend is what you say then I agree with what Frank said. 
We are here to lend an ear



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Offline Big daddy Eis

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2010, 01:48:39 PM »
John

Ironically, my brother is going through / has gone through everything (to the "T"0 that you are going through.  And along the same timeframe.  As far as i know, my brother is doing better, and that is because he and his new girlfriend have an open dialog between them.  The dads on Daddyplace are a great group of dads and we are all here to lend advice.   We have tons of dads on here with lots of experience, so just send us a shout.  Enjoy the site.

Offline keetedw

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2010, 04:27:08 PM »
I think your girlfriend needs to understand where you're coming from.  It sounds like you're having decent dialogue with her, but regardless there's just some issues it sounds like it may be worth getting some professional help for.  It sounds like money is tight, but even a couple sessions with a therapist or psychiatrist could help, if nothing else than to give you things to work on or focus on.

The biggest step is going to just accept that anything is possible and, instead of trying to prevent that from happening (which will do more harm than good), live the day to day.  Stay in the "now", not the "what if".  It'll tear you apart worrying about things that will never happen.
 

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Offline Ramblin' Dad

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2010, 08:29:55 PM »
Hi John, welcome to DP. I'm sorry to see your situation, it's a tough one. I agree an open dialog will help with your girl friend. I know it is hard to trust but you need to learn to do that again, especially yourself. Trust yourself to know when and who open up with and learn to be in a trusting relationship again. If this is the girl then do so. I believe you will be happy again. Feel free to vent and share here we are all here for each other.
 




Offline Keith

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2010, 08:31:44 PM »
Hey John.   Welcome to the site!  Great to have you here.

I'm sorry to hear what all you have went through.  Just like you, I have went through some of that.  My ex-wife cheated on me, we have 2 kids together.    My first step after I found out, I went to my doctor and told him what all I was going through, he suggested that I get on Zoloft to help out with the stress of what was gonna go on.  So I started taking that and believe me, it helped!

I filed for divorce and for custody of our 2 boys.  6 months later I was divorced and had custody of my boys!  A few mths later I met a great woman and we are married today.  We have been married for going on 5 years.  

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that you have to try and keep your spirits up, even if you have to take medication to help with that.  Keep your head up, make good decisions and things will turn around!

I hope to see you stay around here and make some friends (this will help too, we will do what we can to take your mind off of it and to lend an ear and advice if that's what you want).

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Re: Alone and Frustrated
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2010, 03:15:32 AM »
Hey, Alone, I know I am a bit late on my post here, but I just found this site.  (Really glad that I did, by the way!)

 Listen, dude, you have to know that other guys have experienced and are experience exactly what you are going through and what you have gone through.  For me it has been really helpful to meet with other dads and talk.  Not sure if it's okay to post links, but checkout, for example, http://www.divorcedfathers.com/DFN/index.php the Divorced Father's Network.

The only way we as humans learn and grow is by figuring things out for ourselves, one way or another.  Others can help us get there, but we have to put it together on our own. For me I have found that just talking about things with other guys who are long-distance divorced dads like me helps a lot. 

The most important thing is to not keep your thoughts and feelings bottled up, as nothing good will come of that.

For me, I know that just because I have seen better days, does not mean that there are not better days ahead.  I hope you feel the same way.

Hang in there and keep talking!

 



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