Author Topic: I feel a little down.  (Read 3784 times)

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Offline mastersplinter

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I feel a little down.
« on: December 10, 2014, 06:16:46 AM »
Hello to all my fellow SAHD. Im new here all so pardon me if i make mistakes where to post. I joined this forum to seek support and advice for being a stay at home dad. Im just going to lay it all out and wait to hear what all of you have to say.
a little about me.. I'm 29 years old, I just quit my job of armed security about a month ago. I have been a SAHD before but I had ran into issues I will be sharing later before. So I got a job to help. After working a good long while I never had weekends off, I worked 12 hr shifts every night for 48 hrs a week. It was driving me crazy not seeing my 8yr old daughter and my 3 yr old son.  My gf worked the days I worked the night so time together was scarce . Shortly after a while she stated that she wanted me to quit since my safety was in jeopardy and she hated me not being home.. long story short so I put in my notice after many discussions on me not wanting to.. she had way better pay and a nice job that she was about to start. SO I figured why not, I can be with my kids and help out as much as I can. Well after a a month I am already feeling like I'm not doing enough.. I feel lame for not paying bills. I can't work my side job due to the season  while it makes it near impossible to work my private business. I can't buy her anything.. We share a bank account and during arguments I'm reminded of who's money it is.. It seems like it doesn't matter how much i clean or take care of the house. I'm just always below her in some way.

I'm  really bummed because Christmas is coming up and my gf of 8 years said something that really bothered me.  We were talking about x-mas gifts and she stated that she didn't want to exchange gifts cause I can't get her anything and it's not fair. I had showed her a tac light I wanted and asked her if she could get it for me for xmas. as we share a discussion before buying anything.  She said "you can't buy me anything so don't call it that! I will just get it. Not like you're going to buy me anything for Christmas so don't tell me you want a present." I felt so low and scummy.. I just think how I didn't want to quit my job.. but it was that or daycare for my kids.. I don't want someone raising my kids.. I can understand some people have to and have no choice but I had a choice. I feel bad.. I feel unappreciated as a home dad.. and don't like being called Mr. mom followed by laughter. What should I do? How would you handle this?   :hairpull:

Offline Keith

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Re: I feel a little down.
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2014, 06:04:33 PM »
Tough situation.    I would tell her how you feel and if it keeps up than you are going to get another job and not quit (for her) again.

I know you love your kids and want to spend time with them, but you have got to make yourself happy as well.  In this case, you will have to find a happy medium.

Hope this helps.

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Offline Lainhain

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Re: I feel a little down.
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2014, 08:42:14 PM »
Hello. This might help or not.

Everyone has difficulties one way or another.
I have problems similar to the money issue.  And those comments. Along with birthday anniversary.

Stress and frustration and feelings of belittle can grow strong.

Just take a breath and think about things for awhile.

My wife Always says you depend on others too much. So I decided I will work my own things out without her.
You don't need your girlfriends permission to do stuff. Do what. Will benefit yourself and the kids

What's best for your kids?

Offline ndcw

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Re: I feel a little down.
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2015, 02:13:28 PM »
I'm sorry that you're feeling down - I hope that the holiday season was alright for you, all things considered.

Offline totalbody

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Re: I feel a little down.
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2015, 10:22:19 AM »
I have been there more times than I would like to remember. I have 4 kids, and know what it is like when they are asking for gifts, looking at bank account and you are not contributing, to busy to do anything else, and want to spend time with family. That was me this past Christmas too.

I didn't let the depression get to me, I looked it in the eye and said I win. I found something that would allow me to do all the above, because we dad's will not quite. Our little girls are counting on us. I won't take no, and although i have to put the initial work in, i am able to contribute to bank account, stay at home, and make my little girl smile. You will too.


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