Author Topic: freaking out!!!!!!  (Read 4164 times)

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paulzaho

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freaking out!!!!!!
« on: April 10, 2007, 06:36:47 AM »
Let me start by saying thanks for all replies in advance. I am having a problem with my step daughter (5 1/2). I am married 4 months and lately her attitude, basicly sucks. Before me it was always her mother and her. And in order to keep the peace mom always gave her EVERYTHING!!! The kid now thinks that everything is hers and that she is the boss. She knows that if she whines enough that mommy will give in just to avoid an argument. My wife knows it's wrong and everytime I try to intervene and help the situation I am now at fault. What can I do???? My step daughter treats us like crap and it has to stop. We are expecting a child of our own in Aug. and if this continues then we are really gonna have a hard time on our hands. Thanks again, this is only part one of a continuing saga. More to come.

Offline Bill

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2007, 08:34:24 AM »
This one is going to take steps Paul.

Step 1. You and your wife must be united, at all times, even if she disagrees with you, or you with her.  Discuss it after the child has gone to bed.

Step 2.  Decide upon punishment method and, most importantly, stick to it.  Most common, and not uneffective is time out.  But rules for this must be set out, most common, one minute per year old.  But you must decide on placement, how to effectively time it and what constitutes breaking the time-out.  Warning number one The first time you do timeout and stick to it, it is going to take solidly an hour maybe more, she's going to bank on mom caving.

Step 3.  Once you've drawn the line, you CAN NOT undraw it, not ever, don't ever ever make a front or a threat or any kind of punishment that you can't or won't stick to.  You do it, even once and you show fallability.  For all intents and purposes you HAVE to be infallable for as long as possible.

Step 4.  Take a very deep breath.  The start is going to suck, alot.  Don't lose it, not on your wife, or your step-daughter.  Losing control is Fallability.  Doesn't mean you can't shout, just don't lose it.

Best I have for you for now.


Offline z_randy

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2007, 09:26:10 AM »
Hey Bro, Bill has some good advice there which I need to follow myself.  We cave sometimes also.  You and I had discussed this a little but I wanted to reply to bump it up maybe someone else here can give more insight



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paulzaho

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2007, 06:24:35 AM »
Thanks for the info fellas. I am trying my best to be patient. It's just so hard somtimes, to step back and let it happen. But like I said I have to choose my battles wisely.

Offline Bill

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2007, 08:02:12 AM »
See this proves I know everything.  I responded and everyone was so much in agreement they didn't feel the need to post.   :righton:


Offline JgansoC

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2007, 05:36:17 PM »
This one is going to take steps Paul.

Step 1. You and your wife must be united, at all times, even if she disagrees with you, or you with her.  Discuss it after the child has gone to bed.

Step 2.  Decide upon punishment method and, most importantly, stick to it.  Most common, and not uneffective is time out.  But rules for this must be set out, most common, one minute per year old.  But you must decide on placement, how to effectively time it and what constitutes breaking the time-out.  Warning number one The first time you do timeout and stick to it, it is going to take solidly an hour maybe more, she's going to bank on mom caving.

Step 3.  Once you've drawn the line, you CAN NOT undraw it, not ever, don't ever ever make a front or a threat or any kind of punishment that you can't or won't stick to.  You do it, even once and you show fallability.  For all intents and purposes you HAVE to be infallable for as long as possible.

Step 4.  Take a very deep breath.  The start is going to suck, alot.  Don't lose it, not on your wife, or your step-daughter.  Losing control is Fallability.  Doesn't mean you can't shout, just don't lose it.

Best I have for you for now.
See this proves I know everything.  I responded and everyone was so much in agreement they didn't feel the need to post.   :righton:

  :yeahthat: LOL

RazzyMagoo" border="0

Offline Frobozz

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2007, 06:28:44 PM »
See this proves I know everything.  I responded and everyone was so much in agreement they didn't feel the need to post.   :righton:

Much like using the bathroom, I don't like having to go after you in anything.


 

Offline Bill

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2007, 09:34:17 PM »
That's quite alright Fro.  I'm always nervous when you're behind me anyway.


Offline Frobozz

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2007, 09:49:44 PM »
I don't know how many times I have to reiterate this point, but here we go again.  That night of "the incident", it was Randy, not me.  I know you were piss drunk but try to remember that little detail.


 

Offline Bill

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2007, 10:44:45 PM »
Funny...  Randy says the same thing only with your name in there. 


Offline z_randy

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2007, 10:27:09 PM »
Wow amazing how you guys forget!  #1 you were both drunk.  #2 It was Keith

Bro let us know if any of Bills good advice works out



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Offline joey791

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2007, 01:18:26 PM »
Hey Paul how is everything coming?

Madd_Mike

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2007, 07:15:23 AM »
See this proves I know everything.  I responded and everyone was so much in agreement they didn't feel the need to post.   :righton:

Much like using the bathroom, I don't like having to go after you in anything.

 :LMAO:

XxxBERRYxxX

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2007, 05:37:45 AM »
Being a stepfather is real hard, I know. I didn't get the benefit of watching Sam grow up from a baby. When you start with a child that is already 5, he has picked up a lot of things from his parents... I've seen Hayden grow from a infant and it seems to help being there from the start. Granted Hayed is just a little over a year old but there seems to be more of a bond. I have to work extra hard to achieve a bond with Sam. He is now 10 and it's ...difficult sometimes.

Madd_Mike

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Re: freaking out!!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2007, 12:10:53 PM »
I know the feeling because I am also a step dad... My oldest daughter Haley comes back from her dads house with some crazy things and sometimes with a different attitude than we would like for her to have. We just take everything one day at a time and address each issue individually instead of letting them build up and just not get resolved.....

 



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