Author Topic: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads  (Read 3723 times)

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Offline davidAZ

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This thread is intended for the dads who might be thinking about taking this kind of step, or those that are just curious about what we do with our day.   >:D

When I took the leap of faith and quit my job for the forseeable future, I didn't know anybody that could lead the way and tell me what to expect.

The roughest part is adjusting our finances to get accustomed to one less income.  But, considering day care expenses and convenience, it's really just a matter of living within our means.  I've also been able to find some creative ways to earn a little cash here and there, especially selling on ebay like a nationwide yardsale (cleans house and people will pay good money for stuff).

A benefit to just being a dad in general- I'm always equipped with drinks and snacks.  "No drinks allowed" sign?  No problem, my stroller hasn't been pulled over yet.   ;D
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jeremy

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2006, 11:18:23 PM »
everyone seems to think I just sleep all day.....

Bispham

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2006, 07:30:48 AM »



  I get the feeling some people think I'm watching TV while Junior sits and contentedly plays with his toys. I don't expect them to realize everything taking care of a baby entails but give me a break.

Tim

Offline floridamcmarion1

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2006, 09:26:49 AM »
One thing that is funny to me is that the younger mothers in our church seem to see me as the ultimate source of knowledge when it comes to parenting.  They come to me for advice quite often.  Given, we have had lots of children and every experience you could imagine through foster care, but it feels weird to be seen as a childcare expert.
Marion

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Offline davidAZ

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2006, 01:14:20 PM »
It's not just my daughter that I take care of... I routinely do the laundry, cook, clean dishes, pick up, vacuum, and everything in between.  I also take care of finances, paying bills, balancing checkbooks, and look for new ways to save money.  The more things I can do for the home, the more my wife can concentrate on work and school.  Meanwhile, usually at least once a month, my wife is out of town for a week for a business trip, so sometimes there's not a whole lot of escape for me.  Good thing I adore my little one!
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Offline davidAZ

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2006, 03:17:26 PM »
Another thing about being a SAHD that I've had to get a grip on...

When I was in my late teens, my mom had a live-in boyfriend.  He was very much like a step-dad, but they didn't take it to a level of marriage.  I also have two brothers, a "full brother" five years younger than me, and a baby brother from my mom and her boyfriend.  Anyway, this guy wasn't quite a fellow you'd trust with... anything.  He had always been either unemployed, or worked odd jobs that didn't involve Uncle Sam.  He was actually a fairly smart guy, but abused drugs and told as many lies as truths.

I mention this because he stayed at home, but I don't think anyone really saw him as a SAHD.  He pretty much just took care of things as he needed too, or in the final moments before my mom would be ready to blow up.

My difficulty is seperating my lifestyle from his, at least in my own mind.  I know I do more than he did, but sometimes I can feel "just unemployed".  Do other SAHDs have this kind of reflection on themselves?  I don't mind not working, and we think that I've made it up in various savings here and there.  It's just that I'm kind of haunted by his ethics and morals sometimes, and I'd hate to end up just like him in 10 years.
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Bispham

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2006, 09:37:47 PM »
I have similar (sort of) reflections in that I watch where my father was at my age and his father before him. I've already followed them in a way I regret (having kids when I was older) and worry about the coming years in which in their lives they either fell apart and died or just died way before their time. But they were under a lot of pressure in their family business, which was handed down for generations whether you liked it or not. I escaped that and I think have a lot more self-awareness than they did due to my upbringing and I think that'll make the difference. I also think I have a better marriage than they did. But still I do think and even worry about it all sometimes. Bottom line is the last thing I want to do is leave my son without a dad before he's grown.

Back to the lighter stuff I do almost all the cooking and cleaning and most other chores, plus the usual outdoor stuff like cutting grass, wife does the finances.

Tim

Captain Tuttle

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2006, 06:08:31 AM »
As a SAHD, one of the hardest things that I've had to adjust to is the isolation.  The boy was born in July and the wife and I were together with him until Nov.  That was great.  Then she went back to work and winter set in.  The 'net has been a great help.  There are some great sites out there, this being one of the best.  I also had to force myself to get out.  Too cold to walk outside?, pack up and go to the mall.  That made the winter months a bit easier.  Now that he's a little older (9 mos.), I've started going to story times at the local library.  This has made a big difference.  The ability to talk to an adult is HUGE!

Offline floridamcmarion1

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2006, 08:27:23 AM »
Isolation is a big problem.  Since my wife is Senior Pastor at our church I do get out there, but then it's still not quite the same.  I do miss having my own friends at work.  I don't know of many SAHD's in my area, so that's not an option.  I don't feel comfortable trying to join a Mom's group.  Hopefully I'll eventually find my outlet.



Marion

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TAZZFANN

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2006, 08:51:36 AM »
Would love to take the step..Can't afford it

Offline davidAZ

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2006, 02:29:53 PM »
Another thing to help beat the isolation is a year pass somewhere.  We've got a membership to the zoo, so it's easy to walk about there and have the both of us entertained.  When my daughter gets a little older, we'll begin hiking trips and fishing.

When I last had my job, I had more friends of course.  But then, they weren't so much friends as they were work buddies.  Kind of a big difference, if they were important friends, then we'd still be in touch.  Being a SAHD is what you make of it.  The thing is, we're not constrained by a regular work schedule of being here or there, so there's actually a lot more variety because our opportunities are expanded.

I'm expecting to get out more and have more friends when we move into our new house.  It's a much better neighborhood and I'd like to be involved in the community.
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Offline Ramblin' Dad

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2006, 01:44:38 PM »
In some ways I envy you guys in other ways I'm glad it's you and not me. My son is in school now,s o it wouldn't be quite the same, but over all I think I would like it. To be there for my son when he gets off school and get the homework done quickly then have more time to do things together. My house is in need of major repair work (paint throughout, new roof, new bathroom tile, new kitchen floor, etc.) and I don't have the time or energy to do it when I'm off nor do I have the money to pay someone else to do it. I would love to be able to spend time working on the house, fixing it and teaching my son how as well. The house would be kept cleaner and we would be able to spend more time as a family, because there would be less of the everyday household upkeep crap that had to be done while we were both off work.

Oh well it's not gonna happen, so we'll just do it as we can. Cost of living is way too high around here to make it on a single income.
 




William

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2006, 12:11:08 AM »
 :nothing:

ardenfr

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2006, 12:34:54 AM »
Yes, isolation is a biggy. I just try to stay busy either doing the household chores or working on my websites. But, like david, my wife and I get to spend more time together with me at home <wink>. Also, I was able to be there and share her happiness today when she one two silver medals at a chefs competition.

Being available to the one's you love most is a big plus over the loss of a little money because, as david mentions as well, we can just learn to live within our means. And we save alot of money by me cooking instead of going to the fast food joint because we are both too tired to cook.

William

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Re: Myths, Realities, Benefits, and Reactions of the Stay-at-Home-Dads
« Reply #14 on: August 28, 2006, 12:18:41 AM »
My wife stay at home with the children while I go to work.  I think she has the harder job, so I sincerely take my hat off to you SAHDs.  I have stayed home on occasion to take care of the kids all day on those occasions when my wife has doctor appointments or suffered from insomnia the night before.  All my experiences tell me staying at home is rewarding, but definately harder (and a  lot more work) than going to work and earning a paycheck.

 



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