Author Topic: My Divorce  (Read 10607 times)

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Offline bradt32225

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My Divorce
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:58:19 AM »
Ok guys I need some help or words of encouragement. I don't know if you all know but I am going through a divorce. So far everything has been alright but I have to go to a Mediation Session Wednesday and I am nervous as hell. I know we are gonna argue about visitation and child support which are the two main things. Well here is the thing on those. She stated in the papers that every other weekend she wants me to pick up the kids on Friday and have them home on Saturday at 6. She said this is what the kids are used to. Well thats a lie. The only time I take them home before 6 is if she wants them for church. Plus the other thing is " I DON'T DRIVE" so how am I supposed to pick them up. I have a feeling she is gonna drag my girlfriend into that one but she works and can't change her schedule nor would I ask her too. Now as for child support. She gets money from SSI every month for the kids because I am disabled and not able to work. I have a court order saying I don't have to pay anything as long as the kids are still getting that money but I know what kinda money hungry person she is. Its bad enough that every year so far that the kids have been in school I have had to buy all their stuff for school and school clothes for them as well only making around 600 a month. After I pay my bills and buy some food I usually only have around 200 left for the month. This doesn't factor in gas money I have to give up every weekend so the kids can get home. She also wants me to help pay for half their medical that the state doesn't cover and have life insurance on them. I would love to know where she think I have all this money that I can do that with. I can't even pay some of my medical because Medicare only pays 80% of the medical bills. SO needless to say my credit is shot. So I don't know if I should argue with her about that or just sit back and do nothing. What do you guys think?

By the way I think this turned into more of a VENT session. So thanks for letting me VENT. And if I posted this in the wrong Forum then I apologize.

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Offline Keith

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2007, 11:19:54 AM »
By the way I think this turned into more of a VENT session. So thanks for letting me VENT. And if I posted this in the wrong Forum then I apologize.

don't worry Brad..  I moved it for you..

As far as your divorce..   After all you have been through with your disability, you soon to be exwife sounds like a true Bitch (sorry, but I'm mad now) for wanting you to do all of this.

I say don't worry.   Just go to your meeting and let her speak her mind, I wouldn't interupt her at all, let her make an a$$ out of herself.  Then when she is done speak your mind.  Tell them exactly what you just told us.   I would make a list however, of all of those things that you said.  Just so you don't forget them while your nervous.  When I get nervous I forget alot of stuff that I wanted to say.

Tell the court how important your kids are to you and how badly you want to be apart of their lives.  Explain to them how much money you get and what you do for them.  Tell them everything..  But don't and I repeat this, don't get mad, don't lose your temper during this meeting or at anytime during your divorce....This could hurt you..       Just tell them the truth.  If your wife wants to act that way then let her..   

As a matter of fact, I wouldn't settle for anything less than split custody.  As you know, I am divorced and I have full custody of my 2 boys.  i fought hard for it and I even get child support.  So it can be done.    Plus, if you get split custody, then you don't have to pay child support at all..    It's just split.   

You can do it Brad.   Just be calm and cool in the meeting, don't interupt your wife while she makes her "demands", and when it's your turn, just tell them the truth.   

Keep us informed.   I know you can do it!        :righton:

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Offline Jessie

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2007, 12:13:22 PM »
FORE-WARNING: I AM 24, RECENTLY MARRIED (1ST, HOPEFULLY ONLY MARRIAGE) AND I HAVE NOT HAD MY FIRST CHILD YET. MY ADVICE IS NOT BASED ON EXPERIENCE, ONLY ON MY VIEW POINT.

I would have to say, fighting for your kid's always wins over standing back and watching things unfold. As far as child support, obviously your court order SHOULD protect you on that one. Not to mention, they should only be able to take a percentage of what you actually make. I think I personally would fight to make the ex-wife bring you the kids and as far as every other weekend for basically 24 hours? That's unheard of and I hope that the judge grants you far more time than that with your children. The bare minimum should be 48-60 hours every other weekend. As far as life support on children? The advice that I seem to keep finding on that is this: You should only have life support on members of the family who contribute a notable portion of the income. In other words, there is no need for life insurance on children...You would have several severe hardships if you were to lose a child but a loss of income is not one of them. Maybe if you got like $10k per child (burial costs), it wouldn't be very much at all? Oh and as far as buying the kids things for school? Sounds like a job for the primary care-giver! Your ex can not factor in your current girlfriend as far as responsibilities go. Any judge SHOULD easily see that girlfriends come and go. Therefore he/she could not make plans for that person (gf/bf) to take on responsbilites that will last for years! You sound like a good guy and it sounds like your ex has walked over you in the past and is trying to do it still. I wouldn't go in there ranting and raving but I would stand my ground. Like I said, I'm just a 24 and not experienced in this field (other than watching others go through it) but that's how I see it. Hope this helped.

Offline echocoder

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2007, 02:55:57 PM »
Take documentation with you in regards to the expenses you have already paid and your income, etc.  She sounds like a true bitch; however, treat her with respect during the mediation. Present yourself well and let your feelings speak for themselves.  Definitely carry a list, so you will not fumble and miss an important topic that you need to discuss.  The visitation time is ludacris at best.  How old are your children?  She has her demands, make your own... during the mediation, worry about the common ground.  As with anything else, "overprice" what you really want, that will leave room for negotiation.





Offline bradt32225

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2007, 12:13:34 PM »
My kids are 10 and 9 and I talked to her about this yesterday and she was saying that we need t oat least be friends for the kids sake but the only thing we never really agree on is "The Money Situation" that just proves she is and always has been a money hungry person.

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Offline Jessie

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2007, 01:54:26 PM »
She is right...in a way. There is a difference between staying friends and staying friendly. My parents divorced when I was approx. 16 years old. They will still both come to family functions, etc. This doesn't mean that they call each other up, just to hang out or chit chat on the phone, or anything like that. The fact is, things can never be the same after a divorce. You're job now, as a father (in my opinion), is to make you're relationship with her as civil as possible...reasonably of course. IE, when you go to this mediation, don't mention the fact that you think she's a money grubbing bitch. Simply stay civil and stick to your guns. While I don't think you should let yourself be walked over, I would also hate to hear that you made things worse with or for your kids because of too much pride. I hope any of that made sense..I realize there seemed to be some double talk in there but it's really not. The key is to keep it between the lines.

Offline Jessie

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2007, 01:57:43 PM »
Another realization! Or at least it's a possibility...You keep refering to her as "money hungry" and while I don't doubt you, you also have to realize that she more than likely does not think that of herself. That means that (assuming she doesn't know she's money hungry and she's not just mean and spiteful), maybe you should try to appeal to her sense of logic. She probably has friends or family filling her heads with thoughts such as "he's just trying to screw you over" etc. You (once again) just need to go in there, nice and calm, and negotiate a REASONABLE deal. Not only for the finances but also for the custory of your children.

Offline echocoder

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2007, 02:20:47 PM »
Yeah.  She definitely wants money... its encoded in the DNA of every woman I know.  Just let the mediators know what you have done in the past for the kids vs what she has done for them.  Also, let them know what you are capable of and that what she is asking in terms of funds is not logical/rational/reasonable.  Be prepared to back that up with some sort of documentation and a "counter offer".  Definitely keep it civil, the kids are old enough to know whats going on and be persuaded.





Offline bradt32225

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2007, 10:28:06 PM »
I have a copy of what a judge ordered as far a child support so I think if the mediator sees that they will tell her she has no chance of getting money out of me. Plus in the divorce papers there were pages showing you if you made a certain amount how much you had to pay per child...well what I made wasn't even on the paper. So I think on the money aspect I don't think she has a leg to stand on. Visitation should be very civil..I hope.


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Offline z_randy

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2007, 10:55:38 PM »
Hey Brad sorry about all this.  I agree with Keith.  Make sure you bring documentation.  let her get emotional.  You need to stay calm and having notes is the best way to counter whatever she says.  When she says it..write it down.  Then you can come back to it and address it in an even keeled kind of way.  Present your facts.  But make sure you also let them know how much your kids mean to you.
Good luck man.  Let us know how it turns out



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Offline bradt32225

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2007, 10:05:01 AM »
Guys I just wanted to say THANKS for all the advice. 2 days to go and I am still nervous as Hell. I am way stressed out.

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Offline Jessie

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2007, 11:15:14 AM »
Relax man, you're prepared by now. Just remember all of the advice and don't forget to take your notebook with notes and space for writing notes as she speaks. OH! AND an ink pen! haha.  :up:

Offline Keith

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2007, 09:43:24 PM »
I would tell you again not to be nervous, but I know it won't do anygood...   It's ok to be nervous..   But keep a level head and be as calm as you can..   Good Luck!

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Offline z_randy

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2007, 10:55:47 PM »
good luck Brad!



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Offline echocoder

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Re: My Divorce
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2007, 10:42:48 AM »
Good luck man, let us know how it goes!





 



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