Author Topic: A question from my wife...  (Read 3019 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Jessie

  • Assistant Admin
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • ****
  • Posts: 1447
  • Liked: 26
  • First Name?: JB
A question from my wife...
« on: August 29, 2007, 10:55:11 AM »
My wife and I were discussing this the other day and as I told her, I'm not at all qualified to answer her question myself. "Why are there so many children in foster care, yet at the same time there are waiting lists for adoption?"

Offline z_randy

  • hurricanes suck
  • Assistant Admin
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • ****
  • Posts: 11517
  • Liked: 55
  • Don't Panic!
  • Children?: 2
  • First Name?: Randy
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2007, 11:34:47 AM »
Great question!  We actually looked into adopting at one point when we didn't think we could conceive.  I think the simple answer is that people want BABIES and the kids in foster care are older.  Unfortunately there is an even longer wait for white babies.  We had told the adoption agency it didn't matter what race the baby was and they said it was easier and faster then.  It was also easier to go to another country for a baby.  Though it's getting harder now



Every day, from here to there,funny things are everywhere

Offline Keith

  • I have Civil War balls; they're blue and gray
  • Administrator
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 14192
  • Liked: 77
  • Need any help? PM me.
    • DaddyPlace.com
  • Children?: 4 -- Tyler, Tanner, Kaydence, and Kambria
  • First Name?: Keith
  • Location: Tennessee
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2007, 09:46:01 PM »
"Why are there so many children in foster care, yet at the same time there are waiting lists for adoption?"

I'm sure my answer probably isn't the truth, it's just my thoughts on it.

I think people love the idea of having a baby, but when the baby gets here, they don't like being a parent as much as they thought..  OR  young women having sex so early now and giving the baby up for adoption.

As for the waiting lists....  I have no idea unless it's just the parents to be are just so picky..

Great Deals for dads on child products, check out Daddy's Deals
Looking for baby names?  Check out the Baby Name Wizard book
New Dad and have questions?  Check out Be Prepared - A Practical Handbook for New Dads.  Recommended by dads.

oj467

  • Guest
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2007, 02:48:35 PM »
Keith - actually the waiting is more the other way around. 

For domestic adoption - the lists are so long because the birthmoms are the "picky" ones (and have every right to be) for the most part.  You are also partially correct in that some adoptive parents do limit themselves to a specific race or situation - which can prolong the wait - but mostly the decision falls on a birthmom's shoulders.   

A domestic adoption oftentimes ends up being a popularity contest - and you feel like your competing with other prospective adoptive parents to be the "best" in a potential birth mom's eyes.  It can be frustrating and overwhelming. 

GiftedPlacebo

  • Guest
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2007, 02:54:27 PM »
Also keep in mind that kids in foster care are usually tied up in huge LEGAL issues. Many birth parents are going through rehab or parenting classes as part of a court ordered plan to get their kids back. Often, even if they screw up and don't pass their drug tests or attend the classes, they get extensions on the plan which can drag out years. By this time, kids are often past the "desirable" age to adopt. Most people, when they set out to adopt, want infants. For us, we originally set out to adopt a 3 1/2 year old, but as that began to go wrong due to her violent psychological issues, her baby brother came into our care purely by luck & the fact the biologial mom has a long history of problems which made the termination of her parently rights go quickly. Also, since the father is "unknown", (his name is John, if you catch my drift) only the mother's rights had to be terminated.

So, to answer your question, there are many many kids in foster care with a good percentage of them "unavailable" because parental rights are not terminated. Others are older kids that often come with emotional baggage that many people aren't willing/able to cope with or accept. If someone wants to adopt a 13 year old from foster care, they won't have a long wait. If they want to adopt an infant, they should be prepared to wait a long time, since it isn't as common for an infant to come into care that already has parental rights terminated.

Many kids will simply "age out" of the foster system, with no family to call their own, and will, statistically speaking, have their own kids at a young age that will end up in the foster system. It is a horrible circle.

Offline Jessie

  • Assistant Admin
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • ****
  • Posts: 1447
  • Liked: 26
  • First Name?: JB
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2007, 06:37:17 PM »
Oh wow! I never realized how much I DIDN'T know about this topic! Thank you all for your input!

Offline lostcomm

  • New Dad
  • *
  • Posts: 1
  • Liked: 0
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2009, 01:28:19 PM »
My wife and I were discussing this the other day and as I told her, I'm not at all qualified to answer her question myself. "Why are there so many children in foster care, yet at the same time there are waiting lists for adoption?"

I'm new here, so I hope I have protocol correct...

One thing that strikes me about the original poster's wife's question is the assumption that one must be on a "list," probably with an agency. Over 50% of the adopted children in the US are placed without agency assistance. We have adopted two children by independent adoption - one was in our arms seconds after his birth. The people we know going through agencies (and there are some good agencies out there) are on their second and third homestudy renewals...we had both a newborn and a 22 month old with us in 9 months.

Just my two cents.

LC

Offline Chef Dad

  • Let me show you my gall bladder. I have it over here in a jar. Oh wait that's an avocado. Hmmm, you may not want to eat that guacamole.
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3877
  • Liked: 0
  • damn irish, breeding like rabbits
  • Children?: 3
  • Xbox Gamertag: the irish fuse
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2009, 04:16:55 PM »
Don't you get paid for foster care?...you can always look to Chef Dad for insight in to the seedy underbelly of the human psyche... don't forget about good old fashion greed. lazy people like their handouts, and they don't care if they come at somebody else's expense, even if it's at the expense of a young person.
Nobody can eat fifty eggs. Except for Takeru Kobayashi

Offline spddrcr

  • missing in action on xboxlive
  • Big Daddy Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1014
  • Liked: 0
  • just say no to the brady's
    • AKNewMedia
Re: A question from my wife...
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2009, 10:24:14 PM »
when i was i kid my dad used to cook for several foster homes in our area, and while most were ok there was one that was pretty bad. the kids always had bruises and wernt very happy about being there. one of the younger teen boys once asked my dad if he could borrow a knife for protection :whoa:

it seems nowadays there are pretty strict regulations in place at least where i live.

 



Sitemap Multimedia Forum
Daddy's Deals DP Daily News Blogs
EBooks Donations Contact Us
Daddyplace Constitution