Author Topic: When mom starts to date again.?  (Read 4133 times)

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Scott

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When mom starts to date again.?
« on: October 29, 2007, 05:02:37 PM »
Hey Guys,

Newbie to the group here and I am psyched to have found a place to bounce ideas and stuff off of others heads....VERY COOL!!!

So the new thing is that my ex (almost legally....YAY!) is now starting to date again....which I am fine with and do nothing but wish her the best.....I did try and speak with her and let her know that I am interested in only ONE mom and ONE dad....I do beleive that children can have healthy and wholesome relationships with step parents (which I think is a completely horrible way of saying it) but I really think that there should only be one of each since we are both still very involved in her life....any commentary would be great!!!!

Thanks,
Scott

Offline joey791

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 06:55:32 PM »
First off welcome to the site Scott, glad you found us :up:

Could you clarify your statement? Are you looking for reconciliation or you dont believe that the man your ex-wife eventually meets should be called dad by your child?

Offline bradt32225

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 07:01:16 PM »
Hey Joey I think he means that he doesn't want the new man (whoever it may be) in his Ex's life to be called Dad. I kinda agree with what he is saying. My soon to ex is dating and and I wouldn't want my children calling whoever she is dating Dad. They can find something else to call that person.

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Offline joey791

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 07:02:57 PM »
Hey Joey I think he means that he doesn't want the new man (whoever it may be) in his Ex's life to be called Dad. I kinda agree with what he is saying. My soon to ex is dating and and I wouldn't want my children calling whoever she is dating Dad. They can find something else to call that person.

OH ok, sorry Scott, I have to agree with yall, I can think of a few other things the kids could call them  :devil:

Scott

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2007, 07:34:24 PM »
Yeah, I mean that when she starts to date and it gets serious or whatever....I am only interested in their being ONE mom and and ONE dad.....The people that we date....her or I for that matter.....need to know that they arent their to be parents to my daughter, but I am not opposed to them having a meaningful relationship....

Boiled downn version....

I am Dad...I wanna stay the only dad...just not your husband...You find a new guy....call him something else.....just not dad....I am dad.....

Ditto for her.....?

Any clearer?..........


Offline joey791

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2007, 07:35:49 PM »
Yeah I hear you and understand what your saying :up:

Offline Keith

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2007, 08:24:23 PM »
Hey Scott and welcome to Daddyplace..   Sorry about your dilemma.. 

I will tell you my story, short version.   I divorced my ex wife about 5 years ago..   I got custody of our 2 little boys..  They were 2 and 4 at the time.   Right after the divorce was final I met my wife now, Kimberly..   She is great!  She is the boys step mom, they call her mom because *they* want too, but they didn't call her that until we got married.

They love her very much as she does them as well, we also have a daughter together who is 2 1/2. 

I am glad that they call her mom.  She is their mom in every since of the word except for that she didn't give birth to them.  She does everything that a mom should.....and then some..

But, I think that our circumstances are different..  My boys were very young when they met Kimberly and to be honest with you, they don't remember much about their real mom.. (Who they call mom as well.)

Their real mother hasn't seen them in almost 2 years!  She is supposed to get them everyother weekend, but she doesn't and hasn't in along time..

But anyway, I guess I am biased on this because, like I said, I'm glad that they call Kimberly mom..   But if the table was turned, I wouldn't want them calling my ex's husband dad..      I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see this from both sides..

I don't know if this helped you or confused you..  I hope it helped.   :)

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Offline z_randy

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2007, 08:42:20 PM »
Hey Scott welcome to the site!  Glad you joined up.  I have to agree with you. I wouldn't want my kids calling anyone else dad



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Offline bradt32225

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2007, 08:45:51 PM »
Gosh Keith way to confuse a guy...Lmao.

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Offline MindBender

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2007, 09:57:16 PM »
I totally hear ya Keith, I think I'd have a double standard on this issue because I  have my daughter every day, and her mom is going on two years now with out seeing Emily.  Which is all her mothers choice.  Thats a whole different story in its own.  So, if I was to get married I wouldn't mind if Emily called my wife mom, if that was her choice.  Because her mom chooses not to be in her life.  On, the other hand since I am actively involved in Emilys life it would be a different story about her calling some other guy dad.


now, onto what happend before Emilys mom decided not to want to be in Emilys life.  When we first split up my ex approached me about their only being one mom and one dad which I completely agrees.  But then when my ex met some clown and was dating him for oh about 6 months I think it was.  My ex brought Emily home to me since I've had custody since we split up.  Right before she and her asshat get ready to leave she says "Emily tell dad Good-Bye".  Lets just say to keep it short I flipped the fook out.  Come to find out my ex was ordering Emily to call the asshat dad.  Well, that quickly ended when Emily refused to call him dad.


Now, onto my other view of this topic.....  My parents were divorced when I was 6 months old.  My mother has been married 4 times now, and my father 2 times.  So, I've been the child in this situation.  I can tell you I always called my step parents by their first names period.  I mean how screwed in the head would I of been if I was required to call all 4 of my moms husbands "dad".   Now, my dad married my step mom when I was 6 years old they've been married ever since.  I called her my her first name.  Even as a kid I always felt it was only appropriate to call them by their first names since my only mom and dad were actively in my life. 

Well, theres a viewpoints from a Dads view point and from someone who was the child in this situation.  hope some of my rambling is helpful...


Peace

Brandon

 
« Last Edit: October 29, 2007, 10:00:02 PM by MindBender »

Offline Frobozz

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2007, 11:59:51 PM »
My wife's parents divorced when she was about 6.  Her mom remarried very soon after that.  She calls her step-dad by his first name.  We'll send him father's day cards and he likes to be called "dad" on paper in such a manner, but there was never a push to call him "dad" as she was growing up.


 

Offline echocoder

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2007, 10:46:30 AM »
My wife and I have agreed that there is one dad and one mom.  We were thinking along the lines as to if one of us were to die, but I suppose the same thing would happen in a divorce.  I certainly don't want my daughter calling someone else Dad, so I would be a hippocrit to let her call someone else Mom.

My wife's parents divorced when she was 4.  She calls both her biological and step mothers by their first names.  My parents have been together for about 50 years now, so I can't speak for the kid's point-of-view... but I'm fairly certain my parents wouldn't have cared, but I would have called the steps by their first name.





CapnPhoton

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Re: When mom starts to date again.?
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2009, 02:51:35 AM »
My ex is out of town on business for about 6 months (in total days) each year, so only occasionally are there issues.

But you have it right.  You are the father in a biological, and emotional way.  You reserve the right to be the only one called, dad. 

This may seem overkill to some of you, but I claimed the right to request a criminal background check on anyone my ex dates/marries and will be around my son.  The reason for this is because she isn't too picky with whom she is friends with.  Some of them are downright scary.  Since I have been out of the house, her friends and their kids have already taken half of my son's belongings that were there. 

The reason why I wrote all that is because you have certain rights, that perhaps others might not agree with.

 



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