Author Topic: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?  (Read 6310 times)

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Cajun

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New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« on: January 22, 2008, 11:30:25 PM »
I just want to know if anyone else out there is in the place that their Ex-wives are allowing the new guy in her life to take over certain things that should apply only to the real father? Things like talks with my young son that should be reserved for me to answer? Or the worst case senario, my 3 yr old daughter likes to call him Daddy now. But not around me. Yes, they live 5 hours away - but on the other hand - I make the effort to drive there every other weekend, holidays, and I will NEVER miss their Birthdays. Even when she was living 13 hours away - I was there. I call at least twice a week. But for the most part - every other day. They love to talk to me and I always spend at least 30 minutes on each call. I have never once missed a child support payment, in fact, never even made it past the 5th before she had the money. I pay her car note. And when we lived 5 minutes apart, I must have stocked her house with groceries every two weeks or so at around $150 - $200 a pop. I'll miss a meal or two. I'll miss out on the things I want to get them school clothes and anytime she has EVER asked for my help - I have bent over backwards. She knows its not easy for a disabled Vet to get a decent job... and yet, she has never suffered... nor have my children. Moving on, the new guy in her life was there before I was even gone. (She had an affair during my last deployment and he was living in my house before I even got back). But to be honest - Him and I have had several conversations and he is nothing but respectful, he even calls me to ask permission to buy my kids things... or to take my son to a hockey game... The guy is straight with me. And HE called me the 1st time my daughter called him Daddy. Not her. But she'll call occasionally to fight... I know this is part of it, but she likes to throw in my face that Andrew (her new fiancee') is doing this for the kids... and he bought them that. And she'll go on and on about how much they love him. But the last time they were here to visit, my 6 year old son told me that he "Asked mommy to call" but she won't. I am so frustrated and confused. I just want my kids to grow up knowing who I am, that I love them and would literally lay down my life for them... but all of the great things happening - are happening with this new guy... ANY ADVICE would be great... I am just at my wits end here... I love them more than the very air I breathe and it feels as though taking my life, home, family, money (around $40,000 BEFORE the divorce), livelyhood, and dignity weren't enough for her... now she is trying to rip my children from me. I have even been relayed things from my SIX year old of things she tells them that are completely disgracing and untrue about me. It's over between us, she got everything.... I didn't fight her at all. I never did - she had everything handed to her on a silver platter our entire marriage... and she still insist on taking... WAHT DO I DO???????????

Offline Magoo

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2008, 07:04:02 AM »
not very constructive i know m8,but sounds like she's takin the piss,if she's the one who defaulted the marriage cant you try for custody,personally where the new guys concerned,if i were deployed and came back to knowing my mrs was having an affair i would be doing time for assault with intent.soz man thats shit to come back to.

Offline Keith

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2008, 10:21:51 AM »
It's over between us, she got everything.... I didn't fight her at all. I never did - she had everything handed to her on a silver platter our entire marriage... and she still insist on taking... WAHT DO I DO???????????

Man, I'm sorry that you are going thru this..  I really am.   

I can say this because I have been where you are with the divorce.    My ex-wife cheated on me and I divorced her!    There are some things that you fight for in life, my children were one of them.  I fought for them and everything else that *I* had earned while she spend her money on everything else..   Well, turns out.  I got custody of my kids.  She is supposed to see them every other weekend, but she hasn't done that.  She has now moved 3 hours away and that's fine with me.    I have met a beautiful young woman who is my wife now, and to be honest, my boys wanted to call her mom because she does EVERYTHING for them that a mother should.  I told them they didn't have to call her mom, but they wanted too.   My ex-wife didn't like it, but I told her that it was their decision to do it and after all, she does everything for them and my ex doesn't.

Anyway, sorry to write all of that..    I know that it bothers you, but at least you have a guy that calls you and tells you everything..    He seems to be a nice guy in that respect.    I guess if you want your kids to talk to you more, you are gonna have to call them more or go see them more.    Maybe even more closier to them..

Hope things work out for you.

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Cajun

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2008, 11:04:21 AM »
First off to *Magoo*, I came in on Helo and she was there to pick me up. Her parents were in town and had the kids and the new guy was no where. I actually didn't find out until 3 days afterwards that he had been living there. I took my car back - went to the hotel where her parents were and took my kids. they spent the next two days with me. I found his ass at his work place after I found out. (we were both Marines at the time - me, an 8 year Sgt - him, a 3 year Cpl.) And i walked right up to him ready to crush him.... he made the first move by removing his hat and saying "G'head, I deserve it". I swung and broke his nose. We then talked - where he explained that she told him she was divorced already - i was a deadbeat and had run out on her and the kids. it was just a week before my return did he find out the truth and had left her. He went back to her after a few weeks when they moved in to another place together. But yeah, he's been really respectful - And as long as I get off work before the kids go to bed - I call.

And Keith - ironically - in the military, she had Power of Attorney before I left for deployment and had the papers waiting for me when I got back. Of course I had a few things modified, and she agreed, but then I had a training exercise to go on 4 months before i got out that was 5 weeks long... that's when the court date was and she went in there - my lawyer tried to explain - court didn't want to hear it - she got everything she wanted. I got screwed. but shortly thereafter, she started running out of money real quick - (she got used to my nearly $4,000 a month salary and not having to work herself / then switching his $2,000 a month and her $8.00/hr... I started getting calls needing help. I was there - took the kids and her to the grocery store and spent all the money I had so my kids could eat. After 3 or 4 times - I started demanding certain things change - they did. But now that I'm out of the Corps, and her new man is too - I moved where she said she was moving, and we agreed to go. I moved first to get established and all so that when she moved the kids could stay in a stable environment for a week or so while they got on thier feet and everything would be hunky dory. Her mom offered her a place to stay a week before she was to move if she would go to Huntville, AL and not Fairhope, AL. The divorce decree stated that she would live in Alabama by the end of 2007 - well, she got me by moving 5 hours away... now, I have a job, BEAUTIFUL, wonderful, loving, caring, girlfriend that i plan to propose to soon and I can't just uproot... I'm not sure she will come with me. she is very family oriented - her son's (deadbeat) father comes arounf like once a month but if we move - her son will never see his father, grandparents, ect... ect... the point is, she light not come with me and after my divorce I was sure I could never do this again. and she found me, she approached me... I'm just really torn right now.   


this f*ggin SUCKS!!! :down: :hairpull: :gaah: X-( :banghead: =( :S :doh!

Offline Keith

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2008, 11:23:34 AM »
I feel for you man..   It is a tough situation your in.    Have you tried to get a lawyer and get your kids more?     Also, the money that you send to your ex to help with your kids, you could get it in the divorce papers that she has to show you receipts for what she has bought for the kids..

Really, the best advice that I can give you is finding a lawyer that specializes in dads..

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Offline z_randy

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2008, 11:36:02 AM »
Hey Cajun I'm really sorry about all this.  It really sucks. I've seen my friend go thru a similar thing.  Divorce agreement said she had to stay in NJ..she moved to PA with the kids.  Every day it was something new.  Some new way to screw him and he's been nothing but civil.  I told him he has to get down in the mud and fight back.  So maybe you do too.  Unfortunately he continues to take the high road and get slammed.  For some reason she doesn't respect you it sounds like.  You gave her everything.  Does she see that as weak?  i think that is what has happened with my friend. 
What bothers me about this story is the other guy.  He's been respectful to you and does all this stuff and knows what your ex is like.  Why is he putting up with this?  Sounds like he may end up in the same boat you did.  He seems to be giving her everything.  Can you talk to this guy and try and explain your side?  maybe that's your "in" to make her more civil?
Otherwise I think it's time to dig your heels like Keith did and make a stand. 
just my  :2cents:



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Cajun

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2008, 11:44:57 AM »
yeah, you guys are right... She probably does see this as weak. The other guy is 2 years younger than her. and in reality, he's a complete doofus around her. She has him wrapped into believing whatever she says. I'll call my lawyer Friday when he gets back in town...

Thanks guys - this site really is great!

Ch33rs! :righton:

Offline z_randy

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2008, 11:52:07 AM »
Good luck!



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Offline Keith

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2008, 01:02:19 PM »
Good luck Cajun, keep us posted and if you want, keep partipcipating around the site..


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Cajun

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2008, 02:02:44 PM »
Oh I plan to log on at least once a day... i have read in many different places and benefited from it all. So, I might not post near as much as others - but on breaks, or before I crash... I'll get on here.


Ch33rs! :righton: ~o)

Offline Aftrthought051

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2008, 02:09:17 PM »
bro, jokes, a couple of  :LMAO:, some hot pics of chicks.  Jump right in, this isn't a site full of a-holes that will criticize your every posts, we will only encourage it and  :LMAO:.  But once we do get to know you, then we will pick on you w/ jokes.  so maybe that is why you don't want to post, you don't want us to get to know you too well.   :rollinglaugh:

Offline echocoder

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2008, 03:42:25 PM »
It definitely is a shame that she did this to you.  I'd definitely consult with your lawyer on more options, being that you couldn't show up in court to battle it out because you were in training at the time of the original date and the fact that she commited adultery should land you more visitation with the kids if not sole custody.  I could be wrong (I didn't have kids during my first divorce)... but I was under the impression that the party that commits the affair / adultery loses all rights.  If there is anything in the world worth fighting for, fight for your kids. 





Cajun

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2008, 06:03:28 PM »
Very true echo... I have come to find out a few things in NC / Military law. first - whomever files first - usually wins. Especially considering she filled through the military against me. Therefore - all the Marine Lawyers on that base were off limits to provide council for me. So, as a dependant - she used the legal office for free - while I (the servicemember/sponser) paid and still got creamed! I also found out that adultery isn't much ground for shit without a pre-nump and she can prove that I was absent for so many months out of the year. Most judges and shit up there are Anti-Military and don't have much care for what happens. I plan to take action in the Alabama court system. Maybe not take the kids away - because as retarded as this sounds, she is still a good mother to the kids. But i demand more 50/50 split on travel for visitation and other rights she stripped in my absence.




Dyeus

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2008, 12:11:17 PM »
I am really sorry for the situation you are in and you probably must be very frustrated to say the least, the thing that makes me kinda sad is that your ex-wife's b/f "allowed" your children to call him dad... I myself have 2 stepchildren and when they started to call me dad I spoke about it with my wife and told her that I did not believed it was right, they now call me at my first name. what I am trying to say is that even though he might be a nice guy there still is some responsibilety to be taken by him (and your ex-wife), you will always be their dad (even if you were a dead-beat) and I just think it is wrong that your children call someone else their "dad".

benjamin

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Re: New guy in Mom's life... am I obsolete?
« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2008, 10:05:40 PM »
I just think it is wrong that your children call someone else their "dad".
  i don't think that is all wrong... my stepdaughter calls me daddy...it is just all a matter of opinion... :)*

 



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