Author Topic: Anger Management  (Read 1781 times)

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Offline Ramblin' Dad

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Anger Management
« on: July 20, 2006, 07:01:26 PM »
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed
the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a**hole!"
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole ' next to it, and put
it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole '
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see
if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ...
so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole, (I had
his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
a**hole too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch
you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a**hole ."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**hole s to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called A**hole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an a**hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"A**hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house,
with my black beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole ."

Then I called A**hole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a**hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a**," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that
I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way
over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

There I saw two a**holes beating the crap out of each other
in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

NOW, I feel better!

Anger management at it's very best.  :righton:
 




Offline davidAZ

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Re: Anger Management
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2006, 07:26:46 PM »
Fantastic  :D
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Offline Keith

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Re: Anger Management
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2006, 12:04:17 AM »
I read that entire post to my wife.   We were both sitting here laughing.   I loved that!

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